From: military-radio-guy Full-Name: Dennis R Starks To: military radio collectors#3 Cc: ae4in@webshoppe.net Fcc: Sent Date: Fri, 23 Oct 1998 05:26:04 Subject: MILITARY COLLECTOR GROUP POST, Oct.23/98 Message-ID: <19981023.052500.12415.2.military-radio-guy@juno.com> X-Status: Sent X-Mailer: Juno 1.49 MILITARY COLLECTOR GROUP POST, Oct.23/98 Index: ANNOUNCEMENT; CONDENSED PRC RADIO DATA; Part I, PRC-1 > PRC-41. by Dennis Starks MEMBERS WRITE; EE-3B? Navy Model RBT-2? HUMOR; *********************************************** ANNOUNCEMENT; Do not send me messages that you have already posted on Boatanchors! I suggest that if you have an item of interest, or need info send it to me first. If you get no satisfaction then post it with Boatanchors. My reasons are many, varied, and have been posted here several times before. Dennis *********************************************** CONDENSED PRC RADIO DATA; Part I, PRC-1 > PRC-41. by Dennis Starks PRC-1/RT-30;Suite case portable,HF,CW transmitter receiver.Built into a common suitcase,the PRC-1 was originally intended for use by the OSS in WW-II. It was however rejected as too heavy. Regardless, it saw extensive service with them and other Intelligence and Guerrilla forces. Ops 2-12mc in two continuously tunable bands,AM or CW(rec).2-12mc in two bands with Xtal control,CW only(trans).RF power output is 30 watts.Size 18 x 13.25 x 17.25" 32lbs,OD color.Ref.#3,#19C,#23 PRC-F1;Australian HF/AM/CW/SSB,backpack transceiver. Designed and built in Australia,the PRC-F1(originally designated A-512) follows closely the design purpose of the US PRC-74. Ops 2-12mc in 1kc steps for a possible 10,000 channels. RF power out is rated at 10/1 watts PEP AM/USB,5/1 watts CW(high/low power settings). Requires 28vdc with a typical current consumption of 550ma(trans),35ma(rec). Size 32cmw x 12.7cmh x 29.4cmd,weight 14lbs/11oz(RT unit),approx 20 lbs(operational backpack).Ref.#30,31 PRC-2;VHF set for Paratroop Liason.No further information.Ref.#19 PRC-F2;This set is an updated version of the Australian PRC-F1. Improvements to that model include enhanced frequency stability & reliability. Advanced circuit design is incorporated including a redesigned microprocessor control synthesizer. For more information see PRC-F1. PRC-3;Portable microwave set to replace signal lights.No further information.Ref.#19 PRC-F3; This radio set is an updated version of the Australian PRC-F1 & F2 models. There is some confusion as to whether or not this model is in fact the PRC-F2. For more information see those types. PRC-4;Disguised version of BC-611.No further information.Ref.#19 PRC-5;CW transmitter-receiver built for use by special agents of Military Intelligence.Set could be supplied either in luggage-type carry case or contained in canvas bags. Transmitter ops 4-16mc via 4 plug in coils sets,xtal control with 10-16 watts output.Receiver ops 4.5-16mc continuously tunable in 2 bands.Powered from 110 or 220vac mains. Size 11 x 10 x 4.5",15lbs.black crinkle finish. Ref.#3,#19,#23,#30 PRC-6/RT-196;VHF FM handheld transceiver.Intended to replace the BC-611 of WW-II & development started before the end of that war.The PRC-6 interred service in 1951,preliminary manuals were printed in 1949.It remained in service at least until the mid 1960's. Ops 47-54mc,approx RF output 350mw,1 channel xtal control.Requires 1.5v/850ma,45v/8ma,90v/30ma(trans),1.5v/550,45v/12ma,90v/3ma/, -3v/bs(rec),supplied by BA-270 battery.Size,4.75 x 4.75 x 14.5,3.5lbs. Accessories include H-33 handset,short tape antenna,AT-249 or AT-340 homing antennas,ID-292 channel alignment indicator,CK-6 xtal kit(42 CR-23 xtals in metal box).Ref.#23,#28,#30,any TM11-487 post 1950 PRC-6(solid state variants);Though not adopted by the US government,it is known that small quantities of each have been acquired.Their use is subject to rumor & speculation.One possible source for these radios is a California company,owned by a Russian immigrant,that went out of business do to insufficient government sales.No further information. #1.Is a direct conversion of the normally tube type circuit to solid state.It uses the standard PRC-6 chassis with only very minor changes to the underside components.The tubes have been replaced with Potted solid state boards that cannot be removed.This radio must be considered disposable as servicing is impossible.There is no outward indication that the radio is anything other than a standard PRC-6. Ref.#26,#31 #2.This variant is similar to #1 except the tubes have been replaced with modules that can be removed & serviced.This radio may have a Data plate that indicates it's solid state nature.It is also rumored to have been CIA supplied to a Central American organization in the early 80's. Ref.#31 #3.A last variant,possibly of German origin similar to their PRC-6T &,/180.However this version is not synthesized,& it uses standard PRC-6 xtals. PRC-6T;This may be the same radio as the PRC-6/180.Built by Telemit of Germany,it interred service with DDR forces in 1978. Additionaly a PRC-6(T) is listed in Ref.#10,as a fully solid state replacement for the PRC-6.Built by AN/COMM Electronics North Hollywood Ca.Reported features were the use of standard PRC-6 xtals,11-15vdc (12vdc nominal) operation with a drain of 20ma(rec) & 120ma(trans).& an RF power output of 500mw. Ref.#10,#11,#28 PRC-6/6;This West German produced radio is physically identical to the original U.S. version and uses a common case. The original case has been modified to allow for the radios different internal construction and extended six channel capacity. The external antenna connector has been replaced with a channel selector switch, and a window has been placed on the side of the back cover for a selected channel display. While this version also uses sub-miniature tubes in it's design, the circuits are completely different from the original U.S. types. Even different crystal types are used. The only internally compatable component is the radio's battery. Ref.#23 PRC-6/180;This is a German produced(Telemit) version of the US PRC-6 that provides 180 synthesized channels & a 100% solid state circuit design. The external appearance is identical to a standard PRC-6,& retrofit kits are available to convert existing radios to PRC-6/180 configuration by replacing the original chassis. It is unknown whether any US Government organization has acquired these sets,but several have been encountered in this country. Ops 47-55.95mc with either 50 or 25kc channel spacing.RF output is rated 500mw.Requires 8ea standard BA-30 type,1.5v batteries. Ref.#10,#11 K-PRC-6;Handheld VHF,FM transceiver.The K-PRC-6 is domestically produced in South Korean & is in service with their Armed Forces.Though it bears no similarity with other versions of the PRC-6,it is intended to fulfil the same role.It is of solid state design,but fairly old technology considering it's late introduction into service(approx early 1980's).Cosmeticaly it resembles a space age,WW-II vintage BC- 611 & is very nearly as simple. Ops 45-57mc,with one(apparently) Xtal control channel.(A) models work 27.25-30mc with two channels.No further information.Ref.#12 PRC-7(XN-1);Ground,vehicular,or backpack transceiver.Possibly never progressed passed experimental stage,only one has ever encountered.It is thought to use some common modules with the PRC-10 family of radios. Ops 2-12mc(trans),2-15mc(rec),AM,on 5 xtal control channels,with 800mw RF output.Accessories include 10'10"whip antenna,batteries B- 34(6vdc),B-35(1.5vdc),3ea B-53(135vdc).4 3/4 x 10 1/8 x 9 27/32". Developed by RCA for US Navy circa 1955,original cost $392.00. Ref.#3,#31 PRC-8, PRC-9, PRC-10 General; Variants of this family of radios are known to have been produced in numerous countries with some expanding on the U.S. systems to include: Solid state inverter type power supplies that allowed backpack operation from standard batteries(at least France and Canada). Dual type handset and antenna compatibility ( at least Canada). R.F. power amplifiers for increased range while mobile( France and Germany). Ref. #23, #26, #31 PRC-8/RT-174;Backpack transceiver developed for Armored use.Can be operated vehicular by using AM-598 24vdc audio amplifier/power supply. Ops 20-27.9mc continuously with calibration points every 1mc,FM,with 1.2w RF output.Requires 135v,67.5v/20ma,1.5v/500ma(rec),135v/55ma, 67.5v/15ma,-6v(trans),supplied by BA-279 or AM-598. Accessories include H-33 handset,CY-744 battery box,BA-279 battery, AT-271 & AB-129(long antenna & rubber spring base),AT-272 short tape antenna,AT-339 homing antenna,M-1945 belt,CW-216 ant & acc bag,ST-120 backpack harness. RT-174 less battery box 9.5 x 3 x 10.5 9lbs.original cost $218.25- $371.94.Ref.#3,#28,#30 PRC-8A/RT-174A;Identical to PRC-8 except it has a smoother panel layout, provision for sidetone during transmit,& calibration points are every 2.15mc vice 1mc.Circa approx 1959. PRC-9/RT-175;Identical to PRC-8 except operation is from 27-39mc,& has 1watt RF output.Adopted for use by Field Artillery.Orig cost $292.25- $513.96.Ref.#3,#28,#30 PRC-9A/RT-175A;Identical to PRC-9 except for those differences noted under PRC-8A. This series of radios is known to have been both used by, and domestically produced in a number of countries including Australia, Britain(as the A-42), France(similar to the ER-79A), and in Canada(as the CPRC-509).Ref.#42(BM#52) PRC-10/RT-176;Identical to PRC-8 & PRC-9 except operation is from 38-54mc, 900mw.Can use AT-340 homing antenna.Adopted for use by Infantry. Original cost $307.49-$592.78.Ref.#3,#28,#30 PRC-10A/RT-176A;identical to PRC-10 except for those deferences noted under PRC-8A. This series of radios is known to have been both used by, and domestically produced in a number of countries including Australia, Britain(as the A-41), France(as the ER-79A), and in Canada(as the CPRC-510).Ref.#23,#30,#42(BM#52) PRC-14/RT-271;Backpack UHF,AM transceiver.Intended for use by FAC's in strike control of Fighter Aircraft. Operates on any of 4 xtal control channels between 225-399.9mc,AM, with approx 1watt RF output.The PRC 14 can use either an H-33 handset or T-17 mic & HS-30 headphones in(conjunction with CX-2098 cable). Other accessories include CW-293 Radio set bag,CX-2097 power cable,ME- 68 ammeter,BB-402 6v wet cell.Circa 1958.Ref.#23,#26,#31 PRC-15;Experimental Handheld VHF/FM transceiver. Ops on 2 xtal control channels,47-55.4mc,with an output power of 100mw.Requires 45v/12ma & 1.5v/500ma (rec),45v/24ma & 1.5v/560ma (trans).Size 2 3/8 x 2 1/2 x 10 1/2,3.5lbs.Ref.#14 PRC-15;Jane's,Military Communications,1979/80,81 & 88 List an HF version of the PRC-15 as being in use by US Armed Forces.However the picture shown has been obviously posed for by a professional model.It is believed that either a type O has been made or this a Manufactures model number and not an AN/type.The radio pictured bears a strong Southcomm family resemblance.In any case the PRC-15 designation is not an officially adopted one,nor has the US adopted or do they use this radio with that number affixed. PRC-16;Backpack or portable ground VHF,FM transceiver.Adaptation of the normally vehicular RT-70/GRC. Ops 47-58mc,FM,with an RF output of approx 500mw.Requires 6v & 90v supplied by 5ea BA-403,& 1ea BA-419.Circa 1951.Ref.#3,#23,#30 PRC-17;Handheld,VHF/UHF,AM transceiver intended for search & rescue service & used by the US Navy. Ops on 121.5 & 243mc AM/MCW,with an RF power output of 50mw.Requires 135v & 1.5v supplied by internal batteries.Size 14 3/4 x 2 5/8 x 2 7/8". Original cost circa 1951-1953 $210.00.Ref.#3 PRC-20/6;Commercial(Sunair) model number for the AN/PRC-108.Ref.#30 PRC-21/RT-209;Hand-carried portable VHF/FM transceiver.Probable use was by Military Police & other security forces. Ops on one xtal control frequency between 152-174mc with an RF power output of 150mw.Requires 67.5v/11ma,45v/10ma,1.5v/420ma,-6v/10-125ma (rec),135v/28ma,67.5v/4ma,45v/11ma,-6v/11ma(trans),supplied by BA-358. Accessories include H-33 handset & AT-486 antenna.Size 12 x 8 1/8 x 5 3/4",13.5lbs.Original cost circa 1955 $484.00-$512. Ref.#3,#23,#28,#30 PRC-22; The PRC-22 is described as a UHF "Handie Talkie" capable of operation over the frequency range of 225-399.9mc with a possible 1760 channels. RF output power is rated at 300mw, with AM voice operation. Circa 1951, only three components are noted as being part of the PRC-22 system: R.F Tuner, I.F. amplifier, Power Supply. The latter might indicated the use of a vibrator type power supply and wet cell batteries. Built by Air Associates Inc, contract NObar-52660 June 1951. No further information. Ref.#38 PRC-23/RT-235;Hand-carried portable VHF/FM transceiver.Adoption of the commercial Motorola FHTR-1BLL. Ops on one xtal control frequency between 25-30mc with an RF output power of 500mw.Requires 6ea BA-30 1.5v batteries,3ea BA-51 67.5v batteries,& AT-348 antenna.Size 12 5/8 x 3 1/8 x 12 1/2",14.9lbs.Circa approx 1953. Ref.#3 PRC-24/RT-236;Identical to PRC-23 except operation is from 40-50mc,Motorola model number FHTR-1BH.Ref.#3 PRC-25/RT-505;First solid state FM,tactical backpack transceiver,also first to use the now standard 150cps tone squelch system. Ops 30-75.95mc,on any 2 preset synthesized channels of 920 spaced 50kc apart.RF power output is rated at 2 watts,actual measured output averages 4 watts.Radio can be used vehicular with the addition of the AM-2060 amplifier/power supply(several other types avail),see VRC-53 & GRC-125 for more info.Requires 3v & 12-15v normally supplied by BA- 4386(many battery types exist).Size (RT-505 less battery box)4 x 11 x 11",13.5lbs. Numerous accessories were/are produced for the PRC-25/77 family to help it fulfil many roles,the major ones are AT-892(short tape antenna),AT-271 & AB-591(long antenna & rubber spring base),AT-912 or AS-1729(vehicular antennas),AT-984(longwire antenna,RC-292(fixed station antenna),AT-784(homing antenna),ST-138(backpack harness),CY- 2562(battery box),H-138 or H-189(handsets),CW-503(canvas antenna & accessories bag). Ref.#9,#10,#11,#18,#23,#30 PRC-25A;Identical the PRC-25 except for modifications to the A25 module increasing the audio band-width. This to allow operation with TTY & voice security equipment. Ref.#26 PRC-25B;Identical to previous versions of the PRC-25. Suspect that these are overhauled radios & some may have been painted CARC. Also a possibility of the substitution of silicone type solid state devices. Ref.#26 PRC-26;This number was originally intended to be used on the PRC-35.However it was skipped to avoid possible confusion with the Canadian CPRC-26.A quantity of these radios were procured by the US in the mid 1950's to be tested as a possible replacement for the PRC-6.For more info see CPRC-26. Ref.#14,#23 CPRC-26/CRT-1;Portable Canadian VHF/FM transceiver.Intended as a squad radio similar in purpose to the US PRC-6.Variant models of CPRC-26 exist I/E CPRC-26(A-F),the only deference in these being the frequencies of the 6 channels supplied. Ops 47-54mc,on any of 6 independently tuned channels,using the same xtals as the US PRC-6.RF power output approx 300mw.Requires 1.5v/850ma,45v/8ma,90v/30ma(trans),1.5v/550ma,45v/12ma,90v/3ma, -3v/bias(rec),supplied by BA-289. Accessories include,H-5001 handset,H-5002 headphone,CTS-4 battery test set,CCX/CPRC-26 battery cable(for arctic use),Type 88 British antenna(in addition any of the common US short steal type antennas can be used),US type AT-339 homing antenna,CAT-3 long wire antenna,CCW-1 canvas bag,CTS-3 test set. Ref.#14,#23,#30,#42(BM#52) PRC-27; Backpack UHF/AM transceiver. Intended for use by ground troops for close air support purposes as a replacement for the Navy model MAY. Ops 225-400mc on any one of 4 xtal control channels. R.F. output power is rated at 2 watts. DC power derived from internal dry batteries. Size 3 x 12 x 19", 25 lbs. Built by Designers for Industry, Cleveland Oh. Contract NObar-63367, March 1953. Ref.#38 PRC-28/RT-339;Backpack VHF,FM transceiver,Identical to PRC-9A,except is not continuously tunable.Ops 30-42mc on any one xtal control channel,with an RF output of 850mw.All other parameters,accessories etc are the same as PRC-9A.Original cost,circa 1953,$810.00. Ref.#3 PRC-29;Handcarried VHF,FM portable transceiver.Adoption of the commercial Motorola model X-11-1A.Intended for use by guards,& security police for internal security or industrial control operations. Ops 30-42mc on one xtal control channel with an RF output power of 750mw.Requires three 45v(Burgess M-30) B batteries,& two 1.5v standard 4F batteries. Accessories include P-8653-A(antenna),P-9096(battery power supply), K-9098(carry case),TA-124(carry strap kit),& P-9094A(microphone).Size 5 x 12 1/8 x 15 1/8" 23.7lbs.US Navy order date 20 Sept.1954. Ref.#3 PRC-30;Experimental handheld VHF,FM transceiver.Very similar to the PRC-15, this set was the first attempt to utilize the then new solid state technology. Ops 25-50mc,on any two of 500 channels,xtal control.With an RF output power of 100mw.Requires 4.5v/15ma & 1.5v/5ma(rec),4.5v/250ma & 1.5v/450ma(trans).Size 2 x 2 x 8.5",2lbs 12oz. Ref.#14 PRC-32;Handheld UHF,AM,MCW transceiver. Apparently intended for use by downed Airman. Approx vintage 1960. Ops on 243mc,Requires an external battery connected via an umbilical cable(Possibly the same as that used on the URC-4).Size 2 7/8 x 1 3/4 x 4 3/4",haze gray in color. Ref.#23 PRC-33/RT-339;Handcarried VHF,FM portable transceiver.Adoption of a militarized commercial radio set Type PS-40 Model HC by Industrial Radio. Ops on any one xtal control channel between 30-42mc,with an RF output power of 750mw.Requires 1.5v(Burgess 8F),45v,& 135v(both B voltages supplied by multiple Burgess M-39 batteries),a 110vac and various DC vibrator supplies are also known to have been made. Accessories include AT-673(antenna),CY-1916(case),& microphone.Size 4.5 x 10 x 11.5",15lbs.US Navy order date 14 Sept.1955.Ref.#3 PRC-34(X1);Experimental VHF,FM helmet transceiver. Ops 38-51mc on any one of twelve xtal control channels,with an RF output power of 30mw.Range(whip extended) 500yds.Requires 1.5v/8ma & 4.5v/13ma(rec),1.5v/8ma,4.5v/13ma,& 45v/12ma(trans) provided by a special multi cell battery.Size 4 9/16 x 2 7/8 x 3/4"(RT unit),Weight including helmet 3.5lbs.Last manual printing 1961.Ref.#14,#30 PRC-35(XC-2);Experimental VHF,FM portable transceiver.Designed by RCA in conjunction with the PRC-25/VRC-12 equipments as a replacement for the PRC-6.It's original designation of PRC-26 was changed to avoid confusion with a very similar Canadian set(see CPRC-26). Ops 30-69.95 on any 4 presettable frequencies out of 800 synthesized channels spaced 50kc apart.RF power output 600mw.Requires 11.7v/56ma & 26v/7.3ma(rec),11.7v/71ma & 26v/120ma(trans).Size 11 x 6 3/8 x 3 3/4, 9.5lbs.Known accessories include battery box,handset & antenna(common with PRC-25).Ref.#14,#23 PRC-36(X1);Experimental VHF,FM belt worn transceiver.Designed by RCA in conjunction with the PRC-34.The PRC-36 uses the same basic RT unit as the PRC-34. All operating parameters are the same as the PRC-34 with the exception of frequency range(47.8-51mc).Ref.#14,#30 PRC-37;Handheld VHF,FM transceiver.Intended for use by Air Police & with Air Rescue teams as a replacement for the PRC-21 in the US Air Force. Ops 144-174mc,with an RF power output of 1 watt.Power could be provided by either 6 or 12v rechargeable batteries.No other information is available. Reportedly the set could use any of the following accessories ,Antenna,case,carry strap,loudspeaker,microphone,& power supply.Ref.#3 PRC-38;HF/SSB,VHF/FM backpack transceiver.Built in very limited quantities by Collins Radio. Ops 20-69.99mc in 10kc steps,FM or USB.A built in antenna tuner can accommodate either 5 & 10ft whips,or a 10ft vehicular antenna.Other accessories common with the PRC-41 include H-33 handset,speaker,& carry harness. Ref. Collins HF Communications Catalogue 1964/65 PRC-39;Portable VHF,FM transceiver.Built by Industrial Radio,suspect this is a commercial type radio similar to the PRC-40,and of tube type or highbrid circuitry.Ops 28-44mc FM with an output power of 1.5 watts.Requires 1.5v,15v,& 150v.Original cost $439.00.No further information avail. Ref.#28 PRC-40/RT-507;Hand carried VHF,FM portable transceiver.Built by Industrial Radio,its a non-tactical radio built for police & security forces. Ops 132-152mc,on one xtal control channel,with an output power of 1.5 watts(PRC-40) or 1 watt(PRC-40AX),has built in loud speaker & uses external hand mic.Requires 15v supplied by 6ea Everready 707 7.5 volt batteries(PRC-40AX)or 1.5v,15v & 150v(PRC-40).Accessories include 1/4 wave whip type antenna & CY-2625 canvas carry bag with associated straps for over the shoulder or backpack carry.Original cost $1350.00.Ref.#23,#28,#30 PRC-41/RT-695(*);Backpack,vehicular or fixed station,UHF,AM transceiver. Interred service approx 1963 with the US Navy & by 1964 was adopted by all services. Ops 225-399.9mc on any one of 1750 synthesized channels spaced 100kc apart.RF output power is 3 watts.(A) models are identical,except are capable of operating X-mode with the TSEC/KY-38.Requires 24vdc normally supplied by vehicle storage battery,BB-451 silver zinc rechargeable battery,or PP-3700 110vac power supply.Weight 44.6lbs with battery. Accessories include H-33 handset,LS-166 loudspeaker,AS-1404 antenna (can be used portable,vehicular or fixed station),AS-1405 directional fixed station antenna,AB-777 mast,CY-3885 transit case,MT-2976 vehicle mount radio,MT-2977 mounting,CX-8686 power cable,CX-8687 power cable, CX-8688 spec purp elec cable,harness set,rucksack,frame.Original cost $4370.00. Ref.#3,#3A,#9,#9A,#23,#28,#30 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Format: Courier #12 font. Margins, top .07", bottum .25", left .5", right .5", header .07", footer 0. *********************************************** MEMBERS WRITE; EE-3B? Dennis, An individual has offered to sell me the following equipment....Any information? Can't find in my reference material other than it's a phone. Thanks " Signal Corps U.S.Army Telephone Type EE-3-B, S.C.Repair Shop N.Y.G.D." Hal ed) I can only find refences to the EE-2 and EE-5, and everybody knows what an EE-8 is. Sorry I can't help, maybe somebody else can. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Navy Model RBT-2? Dennis Sorry for lack of information on the reciever. The data plate reads as = follows. MODEL RBT-2 RADIO RECIEVING EQUIPMENT FREQ RANGE 27 TO 280 MC SERIAL # 75 EQUIPMENT CONSISTS OF ACCESSORIES AND THE FOLLOWING 1 CNA-20153 RECTIFIER POWER UNIT 1 CNA-46176 RADIO RECIEVER 1 CNA-49186 LOUD SPEAKER NAVY DEPARTMENT BUREAU OF SHIPS CONTRACTOR NATIONAL COMPANY ACCEPTED BY NAVY 5-19-44 Steve Waters ed) Sorry, again I can't find a thing on it, not doing very good today am I. Maybe a member knows something about it. *********************************************** HUMOR; A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds - or else!. Suddenly he sees an advertisement for a "guaranteed weight loss program". "Guaranteed like hell," he thinks to himself. "But let's see what they can do." He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day,10 lb. weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike's and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Well, without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't). A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business." For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds! Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of "treatment", he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day/ 20 lb. weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he intrigued by what their "workout" schedule might be like this time. As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reebok's and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days. For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds! "I love this company," he thinks to himself, "I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun." Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the company's 7 day/ 50 lb. Weight loss program. "Are you sure, sir?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," says he, "I love your program. I haven't felt this good in years!" The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If I can catch you, I can have you." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain at a bar in Texas. He's going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says "I've heard just about enough of your smart ass hillbilly jokes; we ain't all stupid here in the South." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the smart ass little fella on your knee!" Submitted by: Rick Archer @ mum.edu ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a -- ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Know this, and you will have come far in understanding them and enriching your own life. 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: > > A. Present it to the President of the United States. > > B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations. > > C. Take it apart. 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most? > > A. Innocence. > > B. Idealism. > > C. Cherry bombs. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male? > > A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. > > B. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips). > > C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed. 4. What about hugging another male? > > A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease. > > B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. > > C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that: (1) He is legally within the base path; (2) Both of you are wearing sufficient protection; (3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures. 5. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: > > A. A cat. > > B. A dog. > > C. A dog that eats cats. 6. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy-you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers-when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say? > > A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it. > > B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope. > > C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen. 7. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to share with her all of the joys and sorrows that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her? > > A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner. > > B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her. > > C. Tell her what? 8. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is: > > A. "Do they need to eat or anything?" > > B. "They're in school already?" > > C. "There are three of them?" 9. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear? > > A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs. > > B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers. > > C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, but this might be his wife, is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her. 10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land? > > A. He was being tested. > > B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there. > > C. He refused to ask for directions. 11. What is the human race's single greatest achievement? > > A. Democracy. > > B. Religion. > > C. Remote control. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin. "No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Potato Guns (NOTE FROM THE LEGAL DEPARTMENTThe activities described in this columnare dangerous and stupid and possibly illegal and should be performed only by trained humor professionals who are good at sneaking around.This newspaper assumes no responsibility or liability for any injuries, deaths, maimings, cripplings, eyes getting poked out, pregnancies, fires, riots, ointments or suppositories that may or may not occur as a result of some moron attempting any of these activities or any other actions, forfeitures, debentures, indemnifications, and such other big scary legal words as we may or may not think up at some future point in time.Thank you.) * * * * * For more than a year now, alert readers have been sending me alarming newspaper articles about the "potato gun," a bazooka-sized device that can shoot a potato several hundred yards at speeds up to 1,000 feet per second. To give you an idea how fast that is, an ordinary potato, on its own, will rarely travel more than four feet per day, even during the height of mating season. Potato guns -- which have already been banned in some municipalities -- can be easily made from plastic pipe available in any plumbing supply store; the explosive force comes from ordinary hair spray, which is ignited by an electrical spark.Needless to say I will not provide any specific details concerning how to construct these devices, because a great many young people read this column, and they already know how to construct these devices. Anyway, I recently got a fax from an individual whom I will identify here only as "Buzz Fleischman, 810 Pinecrest Drive, Miami Springs, Fla. 33166, telephone (305) 885-4817."Buzz, who makes his living performing humor at corporate meetings and other functions, and who by the way current- ly has some openings on his calendar, informed me that he had constructed a potato gun, and was willing to demonstrate it for the purpose of helping me, as a responsible adult, better understand just how alarming this menace is. We decided to fire the potato gun from the roof of my place of employ- ment, The Miami Herald (motto "We Are Still Keeping An Eye On Gary Hart"). Let me stress that The Miami Herald is a responsible institution that does NOT ordinarily allow people to shoot potatoes from its premises.We were able to do it only because we met the very strict requirement of not asking for permission.It was a Covert Operation, during which we addressed each other by code names except when we forgot.(For ease of memorization, we both used the code name "Eagle One.") Once we got up on the Herald roof, we decided to fire the potato gun toward Biscayne Bay.Our other option was to fire it toward the city of Miami, which would have been a serious mistake because hundreds of local residents would undoubtedly have fired back (and not with potatoes, either). To load the gun, Buzz stuffed a potato into the barrel and shoved it down with a pole, then sprayed some Aqua Net Super Hold hair spray into the detonation chamber.He then aimed the gun at the bay and pressed the igni- tion device, and FWOOOM, the potato came blasting out of the gun and went way way WAAAAY out over the water and landed approximately in Portugal. As responsible adults, Buzz an I were very alarmed by this demonstra- tion.We shot off a bunch more potatoes to see if we would continue to be alarmed, and we were.We also got excellent results with an onion. But as any reputable scientist will tell you, the "acid test" of the alarmingness of this type of device is what happens when you shoot a Barbie doll out of it.We used the "Gymnast Barbie" model, which comes with a little gold medal.First we loaded a potato into the gun, then we put Gymnast Barbie into the end of the barrel, with just her head and hairstyle sticking out.Then we pointed the potato gun straight up and FWOOOM up went Barbie, high in the sky, smiling perkily, waving her arms and legs gymnastically around inside a cloud of potato atoms before finally landing in a really unladylike pose. Needless to say these results were extremely alarming.Because if the potato gun can be used to shoot Barbie dolls, then it is only a matter of time before some fiendish criminal mind thinks of using one to shoot a Kellogg's strawberry Pop-Tart.So we tried that, too.It was pretty dis- appointing.The gun made a noise like "phoo" and spat Pop-Tart fragments a short, nonalarming distance. Nevertheless as concerned adults we all need to become wrought up about this menace.People should form organizations and write angry letters. Congress should hold hearings.The Clinton administration should announce a definite policy and then change it.Maybe the Warren Commission should get back together.Also the Defense Department should probably go on Red Alert, because any day now Portugal is going to start shooting back. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A doctor and his wife were having an argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" the doctor shouted and stormed out of the door off to work. By midmorning he decided that he would try to make amends and called home. After many rings his wife finally picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed" "What were you doing in bed this late?" "I was getting a second opinion" *********************************************** (The preceding was a product of the"Military Collector Group Post", an international email magazine dedicated to the preservation of history and the equipment that made it. Unlimited circulation of this material is authorized so long as the proper credits to the original authors, and publisher or this group are included. For more information conserning this group contact Dennis Starks at, military-radio-guy@juno.com) ***********************************************