Index:
ANNOUNCEMENTS;
STRATEGIC BOMBING
REBUT; From Lenox Carruth
MEMBERS WRITE;
Sell A BC-620?
VRC-12 Whine, PRC-25/77 Module
Compatibility?
Solid State ARC-Type-12 Supplies,
SPECIAL EVENTS
REPORT;
Peotone Illinois, Springfield Mo.
NON-MEMBER STUFF;
GETTIN RID OF MY
CAMERA STUFF;
***********************************************
You wrote:
History has shown
that strategic bombing had
little of the desired effect on the German industrial machine.
You have fallen
prey to modern "revisionist" history.
Most of the revisionists
claim that the Allied strategic bombing campaign was worthless
because
German production was greater near the end of the war then at
the start
and that poor, innocent civilians were killed.
Let's look at the
facts:
1. German
industrial production would have been
many times greater if they had not been
forced to constantly move, hide, diversify and rebuild
factories.
2. German
petroleum production was almost
eliminated by the end of the war by the
strategic bombing campaign.
3. Some
German engines were forced to use
inferior bearings, thus shortening their
life, because of the strategic bombing campaign against the
ball bearing
factories.
4. Many
thousands of German troops that could
have been much better employed against
the Russians or the other Allies were forced to man
anti-aircraft
guns, searchlights, and radar tracking stations (the Kammhuber
Line).
5. Many
of Germany's finest pilots were required
to man the aircraft fighting the
strategic bombing forces.
6. Many
of Germany's finest scientists were
required to fight the
"radar
war" which primarily involved the RAF strategic bombing forces
and night
fighters.
7. Many
able-bodied Germans were required to
fight fires, work in hospitals and at
other jobs necessitated by the destruction caused by the
strategic
bombing forces.
8. Many
high-ranking German officers and many
civilians turned against Hitler as the
destruction of the Homeland mounted.
Many were glad to see the end of
the war. Granted,
the will of most of
the German people was not broken by
the strategic bombing campaign but other results were
certainly worth
the effort.
9. By
the end of the war, production of the V-1
and V-2 weapons had been forced
underground and their permanent launching sites destroyed.
Research at
Peenemunde had been forced to move to other locations. How much sooner
could
these weapons have been used if strategic bombing had not
caused
delays?
All of the above
can also be applied to the Japanese plus;
10. The Japs were
unquestionably defeated by the combination of strategic
bombing
and the naval blockade.
It is false to
assume that strategic bombing did no good because it did not
directly
force the defeat of Germany.
(revisionists conveniently ignore the
Pacific war) Strategic
bombing, while
not the sole means of winning the war,
most certainly was a large contribution to the defeat of
Germany. No one
factor ever wins a war. Winning
is a combination of
many factors and
to expect one to win a war and then condemn it when it does
not is folly.
All of the above
is off the top of my head and could contain errors. It certainly
contains many omissions of other pertinent positive effects of
the strategic
bombing campaign.
Someday, I'll
explain to you the error of your thinking about the absolute
superiority of Naval radios versus Army radios.
You've been around salt water
too long!
;>}
Lenox Carruth
<carruth@geo-thermal.com>
ed) The subject
of the effectiveness of strategic bombing in WW-II, and indeed
for the following
25 years has been in hot debate for the last 20 years. I knew
when I posted
that line that I'd receive some flak from it. I did not say
that strategic
bombing "did no good". I pondered over the exact wording for
quite
some time before deciding there was no real way to avoid a
tung lashing so just
decided to use the words "little of the desired effect". Note the words
"little", and
"desired", not "no" and "good"! While all the
subjects you list above are perfectly correct, was it the
"desired"
effect, or a by product? I stand corrected, but the theme of
the original
comment did not allow for your detailed account.
I should in all fairness add that the
Russians were not the only country to haul off
German technology immediately following the war. The US
and other Allied
countries did too. But we did not strip the country of every
item of industrial
significance as did the Russians.
I will gladly debate the superiority of
Naval versus Signal Corps radio
equipment and technology with you, and believe me, you
will loose! I
agree, salt water did have an adverse effect on me.
***********************************************
MEMBERS WRITE;
Sell A BC-620?
Dennis,
A very good
friend asked me to sell a BC-620-A, NIB unopened dated 5/56
and 2,
NIB 4A hand mics. I told him I'd ask for a
estimate. Have
you any idea what these should go for?
Thanks,
Buzz
ed)
Personally, I would't sell the thing at all,
especially to a good friend. I'd make him, or anybody else
swap me somethin for
it. We can make money very easily in any number of ways, we
can't
"make" these old radios! Even if you sold the radio to him for
say
$200(not worth that, just say) what would you do with that? Ya
can't go out and
buy another, or even somethin else if ya can't find one.
I have countless radios in my collection
worth in excess of $1000, guns and swords worth twice that,
and friends in the
hobby that are priceless. But believe me none of this was
gained with money, I
couldn't have paid money for any of it even if I wanted to or
were financially
able. It was all acquired by swappin, almost without
exception. You have a good
piece of swappin material there that can take you much farther
in
"numerous ways" than any amount of money will. If your friend
has
nothin ta swap, even better! Then you got a spy who's keepin
his eye's out for
whatever you need! Offer to trade the radio to others, ya can
have dozens of
spies, or hundreds like me! Sell the radio, then what do you
have? Just some
money! How long will that last?
I have stressed the point many times, if
you see something at a hamfest, fleamarket, whatever, that's
cheep or
interesting, buy it! It doesn't matter what it is or if your
even interested in
it. It does matter that somebody else may be, then you got
another tool, and
another friend. I spend around $1000 a year in want adds,
drive many thousands
of miles to hamfest etc. But none of this yeilds anything of
merit directly,
it's the tidbits of junk I gather up and use to feed my spies
that do, that's many
of you people if you hadn't guessed.
Money didn't get me an M-14, a GRC-106 did,
money didn't get me a PRC-1, another GRC-106 did, money didn't
get me my AR-15,
and R-388 did, or a GRA-71 it was an MAY-1, an S-36 was traded
for my PRC-5!
Money didn't get us our PRC-64's, or PRC-47's in the group
project either, it
was the friends we've gained and their work and sacrifice of
any possible
financial gain.
This group was founded on the idea of the
mutual benefit that a sizeable group of people could provide
each other. Even
the commercial dealers who are members of our group contribute
to this mutual
benefit, we provide them with an honest market, they provide
us with a better
than average deal. It looks to me that if you were to sell
your BC-620 to the friend
for any amount of money, he'd have a nice BC-620, and you'd
have gotten
screwed. Where's the mutual benefit in that?
Now off my soap box, your BC-620 was most
likely rebuilt in 1956 as none were built after WW-II.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm noticing a
buzz or whine in the transmitted audio of some RT-524 and
RT-246 radios
I've picked up. On
the IFR service
monitor, it looks like crud from the DC-DC
convertor (high voltage supply) might be doing that? Quick swaps of the
HV power
supply module and the entire TX audio module tray did not have
much effect.
Any VRC-12
experts out here?
Also, which
modules in the PRC-25 and PRC-77 are compatible?
Thanks,
Jay Coote
W6CJ
<JCoote@aol.com>
Ed) is it the
150cps tone oscillator? Could it be running a little too much?
Often times when
using so equipped military radios with civilian
types(especially scanners) this
150cps tone sounds very obnoxious. Simple way to find out is
to just pull the
tone generator module out and try it that way.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dennis. WANT..
INFO I recently picked up a few ARC Dynaverters. Thet
are a solid
state package and have the model number DV-14A.
I'd like to have more info and a
schematic. Dave Stinson
reckons they were a
replacement for
dynamotors and have 28 V
input. Out put
socket is the ARC 12 pin.
Pete Williams VK
3 IZ
jupeter@net-tech.com.au
ed) Dave is most
likely correct, though they are not nearly as common as the
old dynomotors,
many of the Type-12, and Type-15 ARC equipments were fitted
with solid state
inverters. While I've seen many of these inverters, I've never
seen a schematic
for one. Maybe another member can help.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dennis,
As you may have
noticed, I've been a bit quiet lately - but, as always, read
your stuff
with great interest. NVIS stuff is something of a revelation -
I'd
never heard of the idea. Look forward to reading more about it
and
having a go myself.
Have just
finished replacing power transformer on Collins 51J4 (sim
R388). Straightforward
job, but the owner wasn't game to tackle it. Had a couple of
other minor
probs, no sweat to sort. It's quite a nice box.
Keep up the good
work.
Regards,
John Mackesy
ed) Very nice to
know your still alive John. After many years of searching I
finally found me a
51J-4(R-388A) last year(I "traded" a bunch of land mobile
equipment
for it). Sorrily though I've had no time to play with it
since. The radio it
replaced was an R-388(51J-3) and was the main station receiver
beloved above
all others(without exception!). The only difference between
the two is
mechanical filters in the R-388A(51J-4), and not in the
R-388(51J-3). I hope
you can now get back to finishing Part II of "Eyes for Your
Receiver", Hint!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks Dennis and
Jay for your accounts of NVIS use. I'll
be taking an
HF rig on my
camping trip into the Mohave desert for sure.
Sean T. Kelly
email is
sean_k@hotmail.com
***********************************************
SPECIAL EVENTS
REPORT; Peotone Illinois, Springfield Mo.
Dennis,
Hamfest Peotone
Illinois, Sunday, Aug. 2, 98:
One of the better
tailgate events in this area. Nice day but attendance was
down somewhat. At 7:30 AM all parking spots were taken and a
large crowd
of lookers/touchers were shuffling around. By 10 AM the place
was
noticeably vacant. I personally did not see too many people
leaving with
large bundles under their arms. More and more computer stuff
showing up.
R392 @ $200,
BC-669A @ $150, BC-1000 @ $200 less everything (was repainted
in 2
tone colors, tan/dark OD), R390 @ $300, BC-221 @ $25, bunch of
Israeli
PRC-6 @ $45, PRC-6 batteries @ $30, BC-348 @ $35, SG-85/URM-25
@
$50, a really nice AN/PRC-126 for only $1200.
Most items had no
prices and it is difficult to stand, with pen and paper in
hand
among a group of items asking questions and prices. I did
manage to
really piss that guy off who recognized that I was an asker
not a
buyer. So much simpler if everyone would price their items.
Can't
understand why they don't?
Fair amount of
military stuff. Little of interest to me, priced too high when
I was
interested. It appeared that everything was still there when I
departed at noon. Very little to nothing in accessories or
parts.
Ed Guzick
<guzick@worldnet.att.net>
ed) I don't know
why people at flea markets don't bother to put prices on
things either. Maybe
it's because they have a different price for whoever might
walk by. I tend to
walk right by those items that aren't marked unless I really
want it bad, then
I'm usually sorry I asked when I do. Additionally I'd like to
know were these
silly prices are coming from? There must be a book in print,
something like
"Price Guide for Greedy Moron's". Sorry thing is, I suspect I
know
who had some of the stuff you list above, and where it
originally came from,
and you do too!
The sum total of military equipment at the
Springfield Mo. hamfest amounted to one Q-5'r command set(the
most common in
the world), and that was all! Every time I saw Frank White he
had an arm load,
and some of it was some pretty good old stuff, but none was
military. I think
Sheldon Wheaton musta got mad at Frank for gettin ta all the
good stuff before
him, as he disappeared at about mid morning. Not to good for
Frank as he and
Sheldon had road together from the KC Kansas area.
I ended up leaving at 10:00 with the idea
I'd hit a couple flea markets on the way home(there's one on
about every street
corner in this part of the country). I didn't find any radios
on the way, but I
did get me a 1918 Trench Knife, the one with the brass
knuckles. I'd never seen
a real one in the flesh before, so had to have it! Cost me
$35.00 and a Ontario
Marine Corps Bowie(current stuff). Now I gotta find room in
the display case
for it.(see below).
***********************************************
NON-MEMBER STUFF;
FREE STUFF IN NEW
YORK;
Hi Dennis... I
found your address in the ham radio trader (a complimentary
issue). I
inherited the equipment listed
below,
and before I
throw them out, I was trying to find out if someone wanted
them. Free, of
course, but shipping could be
expensive. Or maybe you know
someone in the North East who might be interested.
I live near
Albany, NY.
One is an NC-156
(I'm told it is a military version of the National NC-100A,
circa
1940). The other is a CRV-20049 'rectifier power unit',made by
RCA for
the navy, contract date 1/9/1940.
Both are pretty
ratty looking.
Don,
WA2YQY@WA2UMX.FN32AW.NY.USA.NOAM -or- WA2YQY@Compuserve.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Dennis:
I thought this
may be of interest to some people on the list.
I was talking to
Fred at Adirondack Dodge, (Prospect, NY - 315-896-2572) and he
mentioned that
he has for sale about a thousand assorted NOS military radio
tubes that he
acquired as part of a larger surplus deal.
Fred is very
reputable and realistic about pricing.
Good luck,
Hank
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We have a model
TS403/U 1.4ghz
to 4 ghz. generator that
is surplus to our needs. We bought
it originally for use in testing satellite systems in the c
band and for r&d. Any
offer considered. It is in excellent shape with portable heavy
box with
snap lid and very
rugged for field use, I suppose. Call me toll free
or email. 1
888 810 0333
Email: Alaun@aol.com
Alaun
Electronics, Al
Braun. We are near Pasadena Ca.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings all.
A friend of mine
by the name of Scott Johnson is looking for a GRC-9 in at
least half
decent shape. If anyone has any leads on a radio for him,
please drop him a
line at scottj@fwf.com. Please reply to him, and not to me!
73
Tom
ed) if ya find
any, I'd like one too.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can anyone help
out Paul?
Reply to him, not
to me!!!!
73
Tom
>From: Paul
Reichley <reichley@mail1.jpl.nasa.gov>
>Tom,
>I have a
receiver that that I have not seen on any of the military
communications
equipment lists. The nameplate on the receiver has the
following
information:
>
>RECEIVER,
RADIO
>R645/GPQ-3
>STK NO.
1800-0238980
>SER. 7
>PART NO.
1929-5002 G1
>CONTRACT NO.
AF 30(635)-778
>RAYTHEON MFG
CO.
>WALTHAM, MASS
>
>It seems
identical, as far as I can determine, to the R388/URR (Collins
51J3). It
however, has a dark blue (Air Force blue?) front panel. It is
a rack mount
model and has a sloping back cover for the electronics.
>
>I fire it up
about once a week, but most of my day to day listening is done
on an Icom
R9000 and assorted other Icom and JRC receivers.
>
>I have had
the radio for 20 years and it is in good operating condition.
I would appreciate
any information you could provide, or if you could steer me to
where I
could find further information.
>
>Thanks
>Paul
Reichley
Telephone: (818) 354-0275
>Planning and
Control Manager
Fax: (818)
393-5112
>Scatterometer
Program
Email:
paul.reichley@jpl.nasa.gov
>Jet
Propulsion Laboratory
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MILITARY
EQUIPMENT, ESTATE LIQUIDATION;
DUMMY LOAD,
AN/URM-13
3ea
1 IS CASE ONLY
ARC-73
TX,RX &
control unit
BC-639A RCVR
ARC-34B
NO CASE/PARTS UNIT
ARC-34A
W/CASE
NAVY HEADSET
W/MIKE, H133C
HEADSET, H251/U
SEVERAL
BATTERIES; THINK THEY FIT THE HT'S. SOME SMALL TUBES FOR?? AND
SEVERAL ODDS
& ENDS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY FIT MIL GEAR.
ALSO HAVE SOME
COMMERCIAL ITEMS, STEREO STUFF, ETC.
DEVIATION MTR,
MODEL 140
MFG BY MCGRAW EDISON
SEVERAL EIMAC
TUBES, POWER TYPE 7 SOME SMALL TUBES.
ADF UNIT, R324A,
RCVR, INSTRUMENT & ANT.
respond with any
offers to:
Bill Leehan
<
bleehan@hauns.hauns.com>
ed) Bill will
take just about anything that's offered, I've already
purchased a bunch of this
estates equipment.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dennis,
My Russian friend
has an R676 radio up for grabs,
Is
anyone in the group interested in uch
a radio. If there is, I will find out more about it such as
cost,
etc. the R-676 is
a kind of VLF
receivers for atomic submarines, developed in
70's.
Bill Howard
THE WILLIAM L.
HOWARD ORDNANCE TECHNICAL INTELLIGENCE MUSEUM
e-mail
wlhoward@gte.net Telephone AC 727- 585-7756
***********************************************
GETTIN RID OF MY
CAMERA STUFF;
I spent three
hours last Thursday trying ta fit all my military blades in
the display case,
and finaly got it done. Stopped at a flea marked on the way
home from the
Springfield hamfest Saturday and picked up a 1918 trench
knife(the one with the
brass knuckles), but got no more room for it in the display
case. So the
cameras that now enjoy the lower part of this display case
gotta go.
Brownie Reflex
20, w/flash, and bulbs, new in box.
Tynar, 16mm
submini.
Steky, model III,
16mm submini.
Minolta 16QT,
submini.
Robot Star 50,
35mm. (featured in Melton's "the Unltimate Spy Book")
Minox 35GL,
submini 35mm.
Argus 35mm, 4ea,
2 ea small format, 2ea large, all different.
Fujica 35mm SLR.
Condor ,
Watameter, submini shoe mount range finder, W. German.
Several old W.
German photometers.
Will swap for
about anything on my want list, or sell if I gotta.
Dennis Starks;
MILITARY RADIO COLLECTOR/HISTORIAN
military-radio-guy@juno.com
***********************************************
The following are
actual statements made during court cases:
Judge:
I know you, don't I?
Defendant:
Uh, yes.
Judge:
All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant:
Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge:
Of course, you might be obstructing
justice not to tell me.
Defendant:
Okay. I was your bookie.
====================
From
a defendant representing himself...
Defendant:
Did you get a good look at me when
I stole your purse?
Victim:
Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the
one who stole my purse.
Defendant:
I should have shot you while I had
the chance.
=======================================================
Judge:
The charge here is theft of frozen
chickens. Are you the defendant?
Defendant:
No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the
chickens.
=======================================================
Lawyer:
How do you feel about defense
attorneys?
Juror:
I think they should all be drowned at
birth.
Lawyer:
Well, then, you are obviously biased
for the prosecution.
Juror:
That's not true. I think prosecutors
should be drowned at birth too.
=======================================================
Judge:
Is there any reason you could not
serve as a juror in this case?
Juror:
I don't want to be away from my job
that long.
Judge:
Can't they do without you at work?
Juror:
Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
======================================================
Lawyer:
Tell us about the fight.
Witness:
I didn't see no fight.
Lawyer:
Well, tell us what you did see.
Witness:
I went to a dance at the Turner
house, and as the men swung around and
changed partners, they would slap each other, and one fellow
hit harder than the other
one liked, and so the other one hit back and somebody pulled a
knife and
someone else drew a six-shooter and another guy came up with a
rifle that had
been hidden under a bed, and the air was filled with yelling
and smoke and
bullets.
Lawyer:
You, too were shot in the fracas?
Witness:
No sir, I was shot midway between
the fracas and the navel.
======================================================
Defendant:
Judge, I want you to appoint me
another lawyer.
Judge:
And why is that?
Defendant:
Because the Public Defender isn't
interested in my case.
Judge
(to Public Defender): Do you have any
comments on the defendant's motion?
Public
Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I
wasn't listening.
======================================================
Judge:
Please identify yourself for the
record.
Defendant:
Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
Judge:
What does the "Colonel"
stand for?
Defendant:
Well, it's kinda like the
"Honorable" in front of your name. Not a damn thing.
=======================================================
Judge:
You are charged with habitual
drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your
defense?
Defendant:
Habitual thirstiness?
======================================================
Defendant
(after being sentenced to 90 days
in jail): Can I address the court?
Judge:
Of course.
Defendant:
If I called you a son of a bitch,
what would you do?
Judge:
I'd hold you in contempt and assess an
additional five days in jail.
Defendant:
What if I thought you were a son
of a bitch?
Judge:
I can't do anything about that.
There's no law against thinking.
Defendant:
In that case, I think you're a son
of a bitch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Bill
to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting
of Attorneys PC 370.00
370.01
Any person with a valid in state Rodent
or Snake hunting license may also hunt and
harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial)
purposes.
370.02
Taking of attorneys with traps or dead
falls is permitted. The use of United States
currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
370.03
The willful killing of attorneys with a
motor vehicle is prohibited,
unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is
accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney
should be removed to the
roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the
nearest car wash.
370.04
It is unlawful to chase, herd or
harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter
or aircraft.
370.05
It is unlawful to shout,
"WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping
attorneys.
370.06
It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within
100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche
dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.
370.07
It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within
200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries,
health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or
brothels.
370.08
If an attorney gains elective office,
it is not necessary to have a license to hunt,
trap or possess the same.
370.09
It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a
disguise as a reporter, accident victim,
physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of
hunting
attorneys.
370.10
Bag and Possession Limits per day: Yellow-bellied
sidewinders, 2 ;Two-faced
tortfeasors, 1; Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4. Honest attorneys protected
(Endangered
Species Act)
ARS
8007.21 It is illegal to take attorneys
with a moving vehicle unless there are no
measurable skid marks at the kill site.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
An
elderly Jewish couple are sitting together
on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over
the public address system, the Captain announces:
Ladies and Gentlemen, I
am afraid I have some
very bad news. Our engines have ceased
functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily.
Luckily, I see an island
below us that should be able to accommodate our landing.
Unluckily, this
Island appears to be uncharted; I am unable to find it on our
maps. So the
odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live
on the island for
a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives. The husband turns to his
wife and asks,
Esther, did we turn off the stove? and Esther
replies, of course. Esther,
are our life insurance policies paid
up?" Of course. Esther,
did we pay our UJA pledge? Oh my G-d,
I forgot to send the check!! Thank Heaven! They'll find
us for sure!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Saddam
Hussein is visiting a school. In one
class, he asks the students if anyone can give
him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and
offers that
"If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the
street when a car
came along and killed him, that would be a
tragedy." "No,"
Hussein says, "That would
be an ACCIDENT." A
girl raises her hand. "If a school bus
carrying fifty Iraqi children drove off a
cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy."
I'm afraid not," explains
Hussein. "That is
what we would
call a GREAT LOSS." The
room is silent; none of the other children
volunteer. "What?"
asks Hussein, "Isn't there any one here
who can give me an example of a
tragedy?" Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In
a timid voice, he speaks:
"If an airplane
carrying Yasser Arafat, Colonel
Gaddafi, and Saddam Hussein were blown up by
a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy." "Wonderful!" Hussein beams.
"Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a
tragedy?" "Well,"
says the boy, "because
it wouldn't be a accident, and it certainly would be no great
loss!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
After a
few years of married life, this guy
finds that he is unable to perform anymore.
He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but
nothing
works. Finally
the doctor says to him "This is
all in your mind.", and refers him
to a
psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink
confesses, "I am at a loss as
to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist
refers him to witch
doctor. The witch
doctor tells him, "I can cure
this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there
is a flash with billowing blue smoke ........ The witch doctor
says
"This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a
year! All you have to
do is say '1 2 3' and it shall rise for as long as you
wish!" The
guy then asks the witch doctor "What
happens when it's over?" The witch doctor says "All
you have to
say is '1 2 3 4' and it will go down. But be
warned it will not work again for a year!" The guy goes home and that
night he is ready
to surprise his wife with the good news.......
So, he is lying in bed with her and says "1 2 3", and suddenly
he gets
an erection. His
wife turns over and says "What did
you say '1 2 3' for?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk
turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes
that the pirate has a peg
leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks "So, how did
you end up
with the peg leg?" The
pirate replies "We were in a storm at
sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of
sharks. Just as
my men were pulling me
out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman.
"What
about your hook"? "Well,", replied the pirate,
"we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the
other sailors with swords. One
of the
enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the
seaman. "How did
you get the
eyepatch"? "A
seagull dropping fell into my
eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your
eye to a seagull
dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it
was my first day with the hook."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A
priest and a rabbi walked into a bar. After sitting down,
ordering, and some chit chat
the priest said, "Have you noticed there are no women in this
bar?" He then
realized the truth,
"I think we're in a gay bar." A man approached and tried
to flirt with the
priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and
didn't know what to do. The
rabbi leaned
over and
whispered
something in the man's ear.
The man
nodded and walked off. The relieved priest said,
"Thanks. What did
you tell him?" The
rabbi replied, "I just told him we're
on our honeymoon."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A guy
is driving along the freeway in Los
Angeles, and as he reaches downtown, he
finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is
blocking up five
different freeways and sending lines of cars back for
miles in all
directions. After
a while, he notices a guy walking from
car to car down the freeway, stopping and
talking to people through their car windows. When the guy
reaches him he
rolls down his window and says, "Hey!
What's causing all this delay?" The guy on the freeways
says, "Well,
you're not going to believe this, but OJ Simpson has
sat down in the middle of the freeway intersection up there,
and he's totally
distraught, and he says there's no way he can ever pay the $35
million he owes
the Goldmans and the Browns, and so he's threatened to douse
himself in
gasoline and light himself on fire if people don't give enough
money...sufficient
to cover the cost of the judgment. So
I've taken up a collection to try
to end the traffic jam." "How much have you gotten so
far?" "About
ten gallons."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An
elderly woman walked into a doctor's office
and told the doctor that she and her
husband had not been intimate in years. She said that her
husband seemed to have a
lack of desire. After listening to the woman for a while, the
doctor said,
"I have just the thing. Have your husband take two of these
pills right
before dinner...." The
next morning the woman stormed into the
doctor's office and exclaimed, "You have to
change my husband's prescription!! It is much too strong!! I
gave him the
pills before dinner, just like you told me, and halfway
through dinner they took
effect. He got a wild look in his eyes, then pulled the
tablecloth off
the table; breaking all of the dishes!!
Then he threw me onto the
table, and we
made love right there!! "I feel awful," said the
doctor.
"Let me at least pay for all of the broken
dishes." Don't
worry about it," replied the woman,
"we just won't eat at that restaurant any
more!!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What is
the difference between snowmen and
snowwomen? Snowballs.
What do
Tupperware and a walrus have in
common? They
both like a tight seal.
If a
light sleeper sleeps with a light on,
what does a hard sleeper sleep with?
What is
the difference between Olympic
swimmers, and Olympic divers? Mark Spitz and Greg
swallows.
What
does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool
from rusting? Sticks
it in Olive Oyl.
What
has three teeth and sixty feet? The front row at a Willy
Nelson concert.
What is
the new O.J. web site address? slash slash backslash escape
What do
a Christmas tree and a priest have in
common? Their balls
are just for decoration.
What
did the banana say to the vibrator? What are YOU shaking for? She is going to eat
me!
What is
the difference between erotic and
kinky? Erotic
is using a feather... kinky is using
the whole chicken.
What is
the difference between ooooooh and
aaaaaaah? About
three inches.
What is
the difference between a hormone, and
an enzyme? You
can't hear an enzyme.
How
many men does it take to screw in a light
bulb? One... men will screw anything.
What is
the difference between Michael Jackson
and a grocery bag? One
is made of plastic and is dangerous for
children to play with... the other is used to carry
groceries.
¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø
Why is
a laundromat a really bad place to pick
up a woman? Because
a woman who can't even afford a
washing machine will never be able to support you.
¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø
Two
nuns were living in the jungle, doing
their good work. One day they were strolling
through the bushes, as suddenly two dangerous looking guys
jumped before them. Each
of them takes a nun, throws her on the
soil and starts raping them.
"Oh
God,'' nun #1 cries, ''forgive him,
cause he doesn't know what he is doing." "Well, mine sure
does!" groans nun # 2.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 1890, a
stagecoach bounced down a rutted
road, heading for Dallas. In the coach were a
Texan, a busty lady and a greenhorn from the East. The
greenhorn kept
eyeing the lady. Finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady,
I'll give
you ten dollars
for a blowjob." The
Texan looked appalled, pulled out his
pistol, and shot the greenhorn between the
running lights. The
lady gasped and said, "Thank you,
sir, for defending my honor!" The Texan holstered his gun
and said,
"Your honor, hell! Just
trying to keep down
inflation. Around
here, a blowjob goes
for two dollars."
***********************************************
(The preceding
was a product of the"Military Collector Group Post", an
international
email magazine dedicated to the preservation of history and
the equipment that
made it. Unlimited circulation of this material is authorized
so long as the
proper credits to the original authors, and publisher or this
group are
included. For more information conserning this group contact
Dennis Starks at,
military-radio-guy@juno.com)
***********************************************