From: military-radio-guy Full-Name: Dennis R Starks To: military radio collectors#3 Fcc: Sent Date: Tue, 2 Feb 1999 07:57:10 Subject: MILITARY COLLECTOR GROUP POST, Feb.2/99 Message-ID: <19990202.075540.12167.2.military-radio-guy@juno.com> X-Status: Sent X-Mailer: Juno 1.49 MILITARY COLLECTOR GROUP POST, Feb.2/99 Index: THE AN/PRC-90 LEGACY; By Alan D. Tasker, WA1NYR MEMBERS WRITE; FT-70G? RT-264/UPX-6? Desperate Need For an ARR-2! HUMOR; *********************************************** THE AN/PRC-90 LEGACY; By Alan D. Tasker, WA1NYR A. Introduction In the annals of US Military Portables, only four types have produced more than one "offspring," at least by my definition (A production unit that offered some significant difference from its production unit parent that was not just an MWO). These four are as follows. RT-10 (RT-10, RT-20, AN/URC-10, RT-60, AN/PRC-93) AN/PRC-90 (PRC-90, 96, 103, 106, 125) AN/PRC-74 (74, 74A, 74B, 74C) AN/PRC-68 (68, 68A, 68B, 126, 128, 136) The following discussion will explain to some degree the story of the AN/PRC-90, the first tri-service rescue radio, and additional rescue related products, production of which was begun at GTE-Sylvania in Needham, MA starting sometime in the mid-nineteen sixties. According to Jane's, the approximate number of PRC-90 units of all types ordered is well over 50,000 units. Many are still in use today, sometimes even being preferred over the supposed replacement (AN/PRC-112). This attests to the excellence of these older designs. Ref #4, 5 B. Background In the 1965 period, GTE-Sylvania had produced the smallest single frequency military rescue radio ever, the AN/PRC-63 (Navy contract). They used modular techniques along with a space saving super regenerative receiver, a new small 14-Volt mercury battery (BA-1568) that could be enclosed in a waterproof compartment with a screw on cover, and possibly the first military use of what we now call the "rubber duckie" antenna, although thinner than most. However, the experiences in the Vietnam conflict were proving the need for at least a two-frequency unit. Adapting the circuitry of the PRC-63 for this task would not work for the following reasons. Super regenerative receivers are not particularly selective, and thus not adaptable to two frequencies, especially if they are close together. This type of receiver also radiates RF energy, not exactly a good feature. Transmitter circuitry tends to be very selective in order to keep down spurious emissions, and thus not too adaptable if the two frequencies are far enough apart. C. The Basic AN/PRC-90 Design This led to the basic design principals of the PRC-90, which were To employ a two receiver super heterodyne design. To employ a two-transmitter design. To use the same antenna and battery/battery compartment type as in the PRC-63. Because the case had to be longer than that of the PRC-63, a separate microphone and earpiece was used, greatly simplifying T/R switching. In addition, for the first time, an external earphone connection and earphone were provided (a magnet in the ear piece plug activated a switch inside the unit which disconnected the internal earpiece). Modular construction was again used. The internal module placement is as follows. All descriptions below assume that the unit is sitting with its front side down (i.e. as in on top of a table), that the antenna is pointing away from you, and that the back cover has been removed. Once this is done, it is easy to see that the main interconnect within the unit is a long, thin, vertically oriented printed circuit board running from the top to the bottom, and centered half way between the right and left sides. The two receiver modules are mounted horizontally, one above the other, and plugged into this central board toward the bottom left, opposite the battery compartment (which would be on the bottom right). There is a smaller module underneath them that amplifies the receiver audio, and the Tx audio/modulator module is on top of them, making it a four-module stack. The two receiver modules are also mounted one on top of the other, and plugged into the central board on the top right, opposite the three controls (channel switch, PTT switch, and MCW switch). Underneath them is the Tx/Rx switching board. One neat concept introduced here was the frequency selector switch. It could not leak because no moving parts penetrated the case. The switch used an external permanent magnet that moved with the switch rotation, and this caused internal reed switches to close at the proper position. Ref #3 The basic specifications are as follows. Ref #4 400 mW output power in voice mode, 243 MHz or 282.8 MHz. 500 mW output power in MCW or Beacon mode, 243 MHz only. Rx sensitivity, 2.5 uV. Range, 85 nuatical miles Battery life, 15hrs/beacon mode(battery type dependant) Size, 3.1"w x 6.3"l x 1.4"d, 24oz. There is some discussion about a patented circuit that GTE-Sylvania employed in this unit, perhaps acquiring it originally from NCR. By examining the circuit diagrams, it would appear this patent, if related to a single circuit, was used to effect the receiver design. This single conversion superhet employs only five transistors in the main receiver module. The function of these is as follows. 1. RF amp 2. Osc 3. Mixer 4. Detector (30+ MHz super-regen I think) 5. Audio Pre-Amp (the post audio amp is external to the main receiver module) This is an extremely compact design, even for single conversion. Manufacturers, Ref #1, 4 Known manufacturers include. GTE- Sylvania (starting in 1967 or so, originally for the Navy). OAI (this symbol refers to both Oklahoma Aerotronics and OAI) Micropac Cardwell Condenser/ASC Lapointe Industries, Somers Conn. D. Cost Saving Efforts Although a very effective design, the PRC-90 was expensive to produce. It was clear that in order to save money, major internal changes would have to be made. Chief among these were the following. Conversion to a more conventional two frequency, single receiver, single transmitter design. Elimination of modular construction as much as possible. Elimination of patented circuitry on which royalties would have to be paid. It is not clear to me who accomplished the design changes. It is known that both ACR and OAI manufactured the first cost reduced version, the AN/PRC-90-1. Ref #1 E. The AN/PRC-90-1 This unit was produced using cases originally made for the PRC-90 production, and containing letter engraving for that unit. However, in the 90-1, the MCW function had been eliminated and replaced with a high power beacon function, so paste strip overlays were used as appropriate to change external labeling. Internal Changes Both the receiver and transmitter were reduced in size to fit as much as possible on a single conventional PC board, and each was located in the same relative positions as discussed above. In the ACR design, the receiver made use of the LM1868 AM receiver chip, certainly a great space saver. There was, in addition, a small audio amplifier module located on the central board. The transmit modulator used the LM386 amplifier chip (located on the central board) to drive the modulation transformer. I assume the OAI design is similar if not identical. There may have been other changes, but with the exception of the PRC-90 modules, I do not have any schematic diagrams for any of the radios discussed in this report. If some come my way, I will see if there is anything else that pops up as significant. Ref #1 Antenna Redesign Both ACR and OAI take credit for changing the 1/4 wave antenna into the much more effective 1/2 wave type. It should be pointed out here, however, that 1/2 wave designs were nothing new to ACR. The manual for the AN/URC-10/RT-10 (The URC-10 is a separate battery version of the ACR designed RT-10) states that there are two types of units in the field, those with 1/4 wave antennas and those with 1/2 wave antennas. The 90-1 1/2 wave has a base matching section to transform the high antenna impedance to the radio's output impedance (50 Ohms assumed). Above that is a springy section just long enough to allow the antenna to fold around the top of the radio for storage. Lastly, above that is a telescoping section. Specifications, AN/PRC-90-1 Ref #3, 4 600 mW output power in voice mode, 243 MHz or 282.8 MHz. 500 mW output power in beacon mode, 243 MHz only. 750 mW in high power beacon mode, 243 MHz only. Rx sensitivity, 2.5 uV. F. THE AN/PRC-90-2 It would appear that the only changes contained in this unit as compared to the 90-1 are as follows. Use of cases with proper engraving for the high power beacon function and elimination of the MCW function. Incorporation of a 1/2 wave antenna without the matching section (cost saver). In order to accomplish the latter, I am assuming the matching section was incorporated inside the unit in discrete form. Known manufacturers include the following. Ref #1, 4 ACR OAI Design Activity Aerotronics Dowty Avionics Resdel Engineering Web Addresses Where the PRC-90 is mentioned http://home.earthlink.net/~aircommando1/castle.html http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/gulf/voices/2.html http://www.ntsc.navy.mil/code1/air/ast/devices/9c1.jpg (picture) http://www.seawolf.org/scrmbl03.htm Manuals, PRC-90 Series T.O. 31R2-2PR-101 T.O. 31R2-2PR-103 (formerly 12R2-2PRC90-? /Navy 16-30PRC90-?, 30 March 197?, incl C24, 1 June 1991 (some dates unclear due to a poor copy) T.O. 31R2-2PR-104 T.O. 12R2-2PRC90-3/Navy 16-30PRC90-3, 30 Mar 70, inc C3 15 Nov 72 T.O. 12R2-2PRC90-4/Navair 16-30PRC90-4, 30 Nov 72, inc C2 1 July 73 TM 11-5820-800-12, Nov 73, NSN 5820-00-782-5308 TM 11-5820-800-13&P TM 11-5820-914-40 TM 11-5820-914-40P T.O. 31R2-2PRC90-1, 31 Jan 86, inc C4, 15 Aug 88 (covers -1 and -2) TM 11-5820-1049-12 TM 11-5820-1049-23P TM 11-5820-1049-30, 15 Aug 90 (covers -2), NSN 5820-01-238-6603 G. The AN/PRC-90A Other than being a haze gray in color as opposed to the green of other units, and having an attachment that essentially enlarges the target size of the PTT button, there appears to be no other differences between this and other models. The Navy ordered a small quantity of these to provide communications for wearers of HAZ-MAT suits. These suits had their own internal headphone and microphone, so some sort of interface had to be designed and built. This interface device was called the HMF-3 acoustical coupler. It clamped to the front of the PRC-90A, and pressed its small speaker to the 90A's microphone. It also had a plug to connect to the 90A's earphone jack. Powered by small batteries, this coupler amplified and buffered both the Rx and Tx audio signals between the 90A and the audio components of the suit. The only manufacturer of these components seems to be OAI. Ref #1, 2 H. PRC-90 "T" Units Both the PRC-90 and the PRC-106 (see below) were bought in a training version, that is, crystaled for frequencies other than rescue ones. Generally, this was 251.9 MHz and 236 MHz. The designation was changed to AN/PRC-90T, for example, to indicate this change. In addition, training units were generally painted yellow so there would be little likelihood of grabbing the wrong unit in a pinch. I. THE AN/PRC-106 The AN/PRC-106 is similar to an AN/PRC-90 except its two channels are 121.5 Mhz and 243 MHz. In order to accomplish this, the original 90 design of two separate receivers and transmitters had to be used. The beacon function has been eliminated from the rotary frequency selector switch. However, that function is now available on either frequency by pushing the top mounted switch (which was the MCW function switch in a PRC-90). There is a new feature provided that was not used on the original 90. Each transmitter contains a detector circuit that feeds actual transmitted audio to the earphone for Tx sidetone. Manufactured by ACR, OAI, and C-RAN since 1974 for the AF, DEA, and probably others, it has the following specs. Power output, 100-mW average (400-mW pep) voice, 125-mW average (500-mW pep) beacon. Rx sensitivity, 5 uV Immersion, five minutes/15.2 m, 24 hours/0.6 m. Manuals T.O. 31R2-2PRC106-1 (formerly 12R2-2PRC106-1), 1 Dec 1974, include C1 15 June 1979, NSN ? J. Para-Rescue Units, the AN/PRC-103 and the AN/PRC-125 Air Force Produced since 1976 by C-RAN, the AN/PRC-103 is an Air Force para-rescue radio. It is a PRC-90 type with the following changes. The controls are mirrored side-to-side with respect to those of the PRC-90 series. There is no microphone or speaker. There is an added control, oriented horizontally near the top of the unit, and labeled "VOX Sensitivity." This controls the VOX level so that the wearer can transmit while keeping both hands free. There is a rubber boot attached to the bottom of the unit that contains the connection jacks for the microphone and the earphone, which are part of the headgear. There is a belt loop device attached to the back. When used to carry the unit, there is an antenna extension cable to allow the antenna to be up on the shoulder or on the cap. Either a stubby antenna or a regular antenna can be used. Manuals 31R2-2PRC103-3, 1 MAY 1983 12R2-2PRC103-11, 1 August 1977 NSN 5820-00-009-2740LS Navy Produced by OAI, the AN/PRC-125 is the para-rescue radio for the Navy. Although the unit is similar in size to those discussed above, and although it uses the same battery, the only control on the main body is very different, and the link back to GTE becomes a bit tenuous here. The frequency selector/off switch is a side mounted slide type as opposed to the rotary type on the above units. The antenna, volume control, PTT switch, and earphone jack are on a remote speaker/mic that connects to the radio by means of a 36" cable. The radio has a jack on the top for this purpose. This set is stored in, and meant to be used specifically with the LPU-28/P Life Vest. The speaker/mic mounts to the vest in such a way that the wearer's chin can be used to depress the PTT switch. Manuals NAVAIR 16-35PRC125-1, 1 October 1992, NSN ? K. The AN/PRC-96 Lifeboat Radio In 1972, GTE received an order from the Navy for 1200 Lifeboat radios, AN/PRC-96. Ref #4. This was a unit similar in some respects to the PRC-106, i.e. it transmitted and received on either 121.5 or 243 MHz. The main difference was the use of "D" cell sized Lithium batteries. At two cells per radio (3 Volts/cell), the terminal voltage was only about 6 Volts as opposed to the 14 Volts used in the other designs. One design wrinkle surfaced in that the use of Lithium batteries are not allowed aboard submarines. This was accommodated by adding a sleeve/battery adapter (screws in to the existing battery compartment and uses the existing battery cap) to allow the use of four "D" cell alkaline batteries for these applications. "D" cells have a larger diameter than the battery used in the other GTE designs, so the case dimension of the PRC-96 was necessarily larger in the thickness direction. There is only a combination speaker/mic, and the other controls are mounted on the top of the unit as opposed to the front. A battery test meter was added to the backside. GTE sub-contracted production to C-RAN Corporation. Specifications Tx power output, 200 mW Rx sensitivity, 5 uV Battery life, 24hr continous use, 3 years storage. Immersion, 1.8 m/2 hours Manuals EE1 50-PA-OMI-010/5101 PRC-96 (formerly 0967-LP-588-4010), 1 March 1981. NSN 2Z5820-00-334-8407 L. Epilogue All of the above products, with the possible exception of the AN/PRC-90A, remain in use today, coming out of service as they fail. The supposed replacement for the above for normal rescue duties, the Motorola AN/PRC-112, is itself heading for replacement. A number of special PRC-112 units with internal GPS, called the Hook-112, have been acquired for interim duty in the hot spots of the world. Meanwhile, Boeing won the contract award for CSEL (Combat Survivor Evader Locator), the next step. They awarded the radio contract to Racal, and its nomenclature is AN/PRQ-7. It is, however, an expensive set, as it operates on VHF and UHF guard channels as well as 600 MHz, being capable of transmitting both voice and data, and having an internal GPS capability. Rumor has it that a contract has been awarded to Tadiran for a less expensive set. There does not seem to be any information on the web about this yet. M. References 1. - Observation 2. - Manufacturer's Literature 3. - The Technical Manuals for the individual units 4. - Jane's Military Communications, 1981 and/or 1994-5 5. - Military Collector Group Post, CONDENSED PRC RADIO DATA; 10/22/98, 10/27/98, 10/28/98, 11/3/98 Alan Tasker atasker@ix.netcom.com ed) 25,500 PRC-90 type radio sets were purchased between 1974 & 1978 alone. 1987 saw an additional order by the Navy from Oklahoma Areo. for 9000 units at a cost of $5.1mil. Other PRC-90 variations and Data: PRC-90-1;Built by ACR vice GTE,NSN 5820-01-158-6082.Ops from 9.5-14vdc,uses. BA-1568 battery,1.6 lbs.Known US Navy,Army & Airforce use, original cost $600.00. PRC-90-2;Same as PRC-90-1,NSN 5820-01-238-6603,original cost $383-$400. PRC-90-2C;Noted as having variable frequency capacity.NSN 5820-01-338-3036. Original US Airforce cost $284.00. PRC-90-2T;Same as PRC-90-2C. PRC-90T;Supplied on one frequency between 251.9 & 236mc,& with a second alternate frequency.US Airforce cost $545.90,NSN 5820-00-469-5658. Ref. Jane's 1988, 1996/97, Fed Log 1995 *********************************************** MEMBERS WRITE; FT-70G? Hi Dennis, I have a complete Yaesu FT-70G with almost all ass. (man ant tuner). It's green with some chrome parts.Could you give me any history or what is it's primary reason for existence? The "Eat your heart out" post sounds like a good idea. As soon as the format is finalized, I'll post mine. Later, Randy Long fsgllong@ctainforms.com ed) Until very recently, the FT-70G would best have been classified as a Para-Military/Commercial radio. This for obvious reasons combined with the self imposed Japanese export restrictions on military goods. In addition Yeasu is not a manufacturer of this country's domestic military radio equipment. They are known to have been used as auxiliary aircraft and shipboard equipment with civilians, and of course with Hams. In the late 80's a number of these radios were imported to the US by mistake and marketed to Ham's before the FCC could do anything about it(they were not legal due to their continuous frequency coverage). I can still remember the adds in QST from Amateur Electronic Supply who was the only one who had them. It is not known whether Yeasu intended these radios to serve in a quazzi-military role, or as a commercial radio. Further, it is not known to have been used by any country's military, even an underdeveloped one with limited funds(for which it would be best suited), but who knows. The FT-70G was included for the first time in Jane's 1996/97 but there is no indication of it's status or use. A case for commercial use(where it has been found in use), unknown to many, there is such a thing as an HF/SSB business band just like there is in the VHF/UHF spectrum. Used by such as the airline & Oil industries etc. Far flung federal organizations such as the DEA, Forestry, Dep of the Interior, Corps of Engineers, and many others also use HF equipment of this type where the normal VHF/UHF types would not suffice. All these applications require radio equipment built with a little more gusto than would normally be found. Indeed, similar equipment by Motorola, Harris, Hallicrafters etc. have been comming from these sources via surplus for many years. It is entirely possible that the Yeasu has been used by some military type organization somewhere and we just don't know about it. Your FT-70G is in great demand by many including Ham's and military types, yes even by me(and I ain't got one!) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RT-264/UPX-6? Dennis, Does this thing have any useful purpose in life? I am thinking about parting it out, but don't want to destroy something someone might need. It is listed as the RT for an IFF interrogator, in X-Band radar, puts out 1Kw pulse and listens. Thanks, George 73 George KC5WBV ed) the only good use of know of for the thing is space-waist. I've been trying to give two of them away for several years now, and finally had one taker in Virginia who wanted to butcher it to build the transceiver of his youth, it got one with my blessing. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Desperate Need For an ARR-2! Oh great one, A couple of weeks ago, I sent an urgent need for an ARR-2 receiver but you have not included it in the list for two weeks. Have I been a bad boy? Lenox Carruth ed) I remember your request, it must have gotten lost when transferring it to the appropriate folder. I can't for the life of me figure why anybody would want one of those things, but to each his own. I've got a couple ya can have, but their not in the condition you'd want. *********************************************** HUMOR; And the winner is............... They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award-It's an annual honor given to the person who provided the universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event! DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES (1998) 1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. 2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned out when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run. 3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. 4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. 5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest that Berrena was wearing. 6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. 7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles. DARWIN AWARD - HONORABLE MENTIONS 1. In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole, and hit his pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull. 2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house. 3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed. 4. Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored in the head, and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one bull against [a town of] a thousand morons." AND THE WINNER: PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs, and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say that the ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time, the keeper suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning!!! ?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two UT students were camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today? I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north. That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?" The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp." "Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?" "Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sayings that Should be on Buttons -Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. -Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. -Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? -Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. -If I throw a stick, will you leave? -Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. -I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes. -Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way. -If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. -I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. -A PBS mind in an MTV world. -Allow me to introduce my selves. -Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them. -Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. -Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? -How many times do I have to flush before you go away? -Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? -Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. -Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. -Earth is full. Go home. -I refuse to star in your psychodrama. -I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. -How do I set a laser printer to stun? -I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It may be old, but they say the old ones are the best: << The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away, his full annually benefits PLUS $10,000.00 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose. (Something Congress came up with!) The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.00. The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.00. Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man. "From the tip of my penis to my balls." The pension man said that would be fine, but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring. The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em. He did. The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your balls?" The general replied, "In Vietnam." *********************************************** (The preceding was a product of the"Military Collector Group Post", an international email magazine dedicated to the preservation of history and the equipment that made it. Unlimited circulation of this material is authorized so long as the proper credits to the original authors, and publisher or this group are included. For more information conserning this group contact Dennis Starks at, military-radio-guy@juno.com) ***********************************************