From: military-radio-guy Full-Name: Dennis R Starks To: military radio collectors#1 Fcc: Sent Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1998 06:33:37 Subject: MILITARY COLLECTOR GROUP POST, Dec.23/98 Message-ID: <19981223.063232.13639.3.military-radio-guy@juno.com> X-Status: Sent X-Mailer: Juno 1.49 MILITARY COLLECTOR GROUP POST, Dec.23/98 Index: RADIO ACTIVE RADIOS; From Dave Stinson & Joe Pinner MEMBERS WRITE; RT-618 Mic? Holidays QSO's? NEW MEMBER; HUMOR; *********************************************** RADIO ACTIVE RADIOS; Dennis, Have a thought for something that needs to be covered in the post. As you well know, many of the WWII era sets have radioactive panel markings, meter faces, dial faces, etc. Some sets even have small inserts on switches which are hot. I know that most of us are aware of this (I have a PDR-27 now to check things out) but some, especially new collectors/users may not. And in any event, I really don't know of each and every piece that has this problem. Perhaps someone could do a article (with list) for us on the known items and then we could fill in the list from members experiences. What do you think? BTW - the PRR-9s are great. Thanks! Joseph W Pinner EMail: kc5ijd@sprintmail.com One thing working many years at the Nevada Test Site tought me about was ionizing radiation :-). Our society has been so blasted by the media about ionizing radiation that it engenders more fear then it should. Handling radiation is similar to handling fire. In fact, heat from fire IS radiation; it's just at a different wavelength. Ionizing radiation deserves the same respect as fire and can be thought-of in similar ways. A small radiation source is like a small fire and a large one is like a large fire. You wouldn't run screaming from a lit match, but neither would you stick your finger on it. This is like a "small" source, such as an RBZ or TBX. On the other hand, I would certainly get away from a few grams of, say, Cobalt 60. That's a LARGE source and should be treated like a forest fire- meaning RUN! ;-) There is no need to be nervous if you arm yourself with the proper knowledge and respect, just as you would for fire. The radiation levels on this gear are not threatening in normal use or sitting on a shelf, even in close proximity. To give you perspective-- the "hottest" rig I have is the thick radium paint on the BC-9 meter. It's about 10 millirem/hour contact, which means right slam-up against it. Every inch away from it reduces that level drastically. 10 millirem/hour means if you put it in your pocket so it was against your skin and carried it for an hour, your leg would receive ten thousandths of a REM dose. Assuming non-ingestion, it takes a 100 REM whole-body dose (100,000 millirem) to a human population for 50% of the people to show any effect, and that is detectable only through blood tests (change in white cell count). 90%+ of those detected will recover without proven lasting effects. There are people who will argue theory about injury from small doses, but my data comes from real-world evidence. People in Denver receive much higher whole-body doses all their lives with no detectable increase in disease in the overall population. That having been said, the important threat is inhaling or ingesting the stuff. This is a real danger that should not be taken lightly. Radium lodged in the lungs or digestive tract means a serious increase in the chance for cancer, because it sits there for a long time bombarding the same set of cells. The best way to handle radium paint that isn't flaking is LEAVE IT ALONE. However- Hams have a genetic inablity to keep screwdrivers out of things, so there are times you might need to open your RBZ and do some work. We handled this problem at The Site by using ventalition tables and by paint fixatives. When handling small items, we put them on a table that had vent holes in the surface and a vent hood on top. A steady current of air carried any loose particulates up the vent and into a filter system to trap them. Down in the tunnels, if there was any fear of active particulates, we'd spray the walls and surfaces with a paint fixative to trap them on a surface. Again- casual contact on a surface won't hurt you; injestion will. We hobbiest don't have vent tables available, so here are my guidelines for working on this stuff: 1. NEVER eat, drink or smoke while working with radioactive items. 2. Work only in a well-vented area like a garage with the big door OPEN. DON'T work in the house where people can be exposed. 3. Place a fan blowing *gently* ACROSS your work area toward the outside. This will blow any particulates away from your lungs. A fast breeze will just create eddie currents. Make sure the path to the door is clear so no eddie currents carry particles back to you. Radium is heavy and wants to sink to the floor. Let it. If you don't want to do this, I very much recommend at least a painter's cloth breathing mask. 4. Wash your hands with soup and water when you're finished. 5. The best way to clean a radium-painted surface is DON'T! But people will. Remember that any brushing, wiping or scrubbing you do WILL pick-up particulates. You now have a radioactive cleaning cloth. Good luck with it. 6. DON'T attempt to remove the paint to "get rid of the problem." You'll end-up with LOTS of particulates and run a serious risk of contaminating yourself and everything around you, not to mention creating a waste product for which, were you to throw it in the garbage, you could go to jail. Sealing exposed radium paint on surfaces like the TBX or Wireless 19 sets with clear-coat should be a good idea. I've never personally had to do this. I would ask the experts because, if you use the wrong paint, the clear-coat could eventually flake off the aluminum and carry the radium with it. Someone out there knows which would be best to use. Hope this helps, -- Happy Holidays ES 73 DE David Stinson AB5S arc5@ix.netcom.com Occupied Texas, CSA *********************************************** MEMBERS WRITE; RT-618 Mic? Can you post a request or maybe you even know the characteristics of the mike for a RT-618? The two units mentioned are the H169 handset and the m109 mike. Are these 50 ohm carbon type, 1K dynamics or 50K ceramics. Thanks George George gcr2@po.cwru.edu ed) I never gave it much thought? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holidays QSO's? Dennis - Over the holidays perhaps some of the group members would be interested in blowing the dust off of their military collectables and putting them on the air. I have found that propagation conditions are pretty good from about 6 AM to 7:30 AM eastern time on 3880 KHz, using the AM mode. This would allow everyone to use old military gear from WW2 through present. On most days from 26 December 1998 through 2 January 1998, I will listen with the R-1051E/URR and have either the AN/URT 23 (250 Watts AME) or the AN/URC-35 (50 Watts AME) as transmitters during that time. I can also run sideband if that would be preferrable, above or below the 3880-3885 AM window. I would also be willing to try CW, but it would need to be pretty slow ! Last weekend, I was able to work stations from Connecticut to New Mexico. Most stations were running about 100 watts and were clear, readable from about 6 through 7:30 AM eastern time. Any interest ?, Comments ? Jim KA8TUR (Commerce Twp. MI, Near Detroit) *********************************************** NEW MEMBER; John Liner [Liner, John] The following is a brief description of myself and insterests: I work for Harris RF Communications as a Field Service Engineer. I provide support to our customers, usually in the field. This support includes training, repair, advice, demonstrations, and anything else a user might need to communicate. I retired from the Army (13 years as a Special Forces radio operator, 12 years as an aviator-mostly in Special Operations). My radio interests include boat anchors, mil radios, and building wire antennas for the HF bands. I like to operate RTTY, CW and occasionally voice. Among other things, I have an AN/GRC-109, an AN/GRC-87, an R-390, a KWM-2 and an RF-2302. (I once wrote a short article that, much to my pleasant surprise, was published in Electric Radio. The article was on the AN/GRC-109.) If any of your members need copies of manuals on old or obsolete Harris radios, I can sometimes help out (depending on what I've been able to find in the dumpster). I won't ever ask for money for a copy, other than to pay for copying costs and postage. Even that is negotiable, if the requestor has something interesting to trade for. Currently, I am looking for the following: 1.) A manual for the Tektronix Type 549 o'scope, and a manual for the Tektronix Type 1A4 module, for the same scope. (I have found a source for both manuals, but the owner wants $85 for copies of both.) 2.) A manual for the AN/GRC-87 HF radio. At the very least I need pinouts for the power connector, so that I can power it up. I most assuredly need advice on restoring it. (It seems to be in very good condition-I need to know how to align and check it out.) 3.) Crystals, type FT-246 for the GRC-109. John Liner. *********************************************** HUMOR; TO: All Units SUBJECT: Official Visit of Maj. General Claus 1. An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 1998. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit: a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services. b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 1998. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 1998. c. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility. d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 1998, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval. e. At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to open the shutters and throw open the window sashes in a manner compliant with existing protocols. Refer to DA PAM ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1998, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter. f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 19968, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye" stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned. g. ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus' driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen." 2. MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 1998, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In. 3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night." This shout will be given on termination of General Claus' visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs. CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE Colonel, USA OIC, Special Services ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The stockings were hung by the chimney with care--and oh what a terrible smell filled the air. -- Jethro Burns ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Merry Christmas Ya'll, I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southeast United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of northern Wisconsin and west Michigan. I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my local replacement, my third cousin from the South Pole, Bubba Claus. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls, but there are a few differences between us, such as: There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from -Bubba Claus. - He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." -- Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He does dip a little snuff, though, so please have an empty coke can handy. -- Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I loaned him my reindeer one time, and Rudolph's head now rests over Bubba's fireplace. -- You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty." -- "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yeehaw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I heard that!" -- As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a decal depicting "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip character Calvin relieving himself ... but not on a Ford or Chevy logo. His decal shows Calvin going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy. -- The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your area. Instead, you'll see "Ernest Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other. -- Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree. -- Lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me, including Elvis' "Here Comes Santa Claus" and Bing Crosby's of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." Until this year, songs about Bubba Claus have been played only on AM radio stations in Mississippi. They include such classics as Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas Is Shania Twain"; David Allan Coe's "Willie, Waylon, Bubba Claus and Me"; and Hank Williams Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Can Kiss My Icicle." Sincerely Yours, Santa ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Complete and accurate seasons greetings as approved by legal counsel. Seasons Greetings (Politically Correct Version). [Forwarded to Karger via e-mail.] “Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not the practice religious or secular traditions at all . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 1999, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “American” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishor. (By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself to others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.”) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Twas the Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House, All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse. The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care, In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair. The Republicans were nestled, all smug with the Feds, While visions of perjury danced in their heads. And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap, Had just settled in for a long evening's nap. When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter. When what to their wondering eyes should appear But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer. With a Presidential address, so lively and quick, They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick! More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came, And he whistled and shouted and called them by name: "Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let's forget about The Vixen! On Barney! On Maxine! I'm no Richard Nixon!!!" "From Capitol Hill to the Washington Mall, Now dash away, dash away, dash away all !!!" And then the Republicans heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As they scratched their heads and were turning around The resilient Saint Willie scored another rebound. No longer was he eating from his humble pie, While assaulting Saddam with his bombs from the sky. A bundle of weapons he had flung at Iraq, It looked once again like Slick Willie was back. His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry. His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the hair on his head was as white as the snow. The stump of a stogie, he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. He was chubby and plump - a right jolly old elf, And the Republicans wept, in spite of themselves. And a wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave them to know they had something to dread. He spoke the right words and went straight to his work Hard to believe that an Intern once called him "The Jerk." And shaking his finger and thumbing his nose, By "Wagging The Dog," up the polls he rose. He turned to his spinmeisters and gave them a whistle, Then they cheered-on Slick Willie as he launched another missile. They all heard him exclaim, with Impeachment out of sight, "Happy Ramadan to all, and to all a good night." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think Santa Claus is a woman.... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: * Men can't pack a bag. * Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. * Men would feel masculinity was threatened having to be seen with all those elves. * Men don't answer their mail. * Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly." * Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. * Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. * Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men. Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace onn earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping. The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of computer games danced in their heads. Dark Forces for Billy, and Doom II for Dan, And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann. The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom, To santaclause@toyshop.northpole.com Which has now been re-routed to Washington State Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates. All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle. After centuries of a life that was simple and spare, St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire, With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh, And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way >From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans. The elves have stock options and desks with a view, Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue. No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums (ahem - pardon me) No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive, >From now on Christmas runs only on Windows 95. More rapid than eagles the competitors came, And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name. "Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too, Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through, It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist, It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist - Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf, And on the package, a picture of Santa himself. Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme, And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream. To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow! Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!" And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, The whirr and the hum of our satellite platter, As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky, The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy. As I sprang from my bed and was turning around, My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound. And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates. And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright, Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Twelve Days of Christmas December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John: Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure? Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way. My love always, Agnes ====================================== December 15, 1972 Dearest John: Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes ===================================== December 16, 1972 Dear John: Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind. All my love, Agnes ====================================== December 17, 1972 Dear John: Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes ======================================== December 18, 1972 Dearest John: What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves. All my love, Agnes ==================================== December 19, 1972 Dear John: When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop. Cordially, Agnes ==================================== December 20, 1972 John: What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds. Sincerely, Agnes ================================================= December 21, 1972 O.K. Buster: I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass. Agnes ==================================== December 22, 1972 Hey Shithead: What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And man do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours! Agnes ======================================= December 23, 1972 You rotten prick: Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you ! Agnes ===================================== December 24, 1972 Listen Fuckhead: What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine. Your sworn enemy, Agnes ========================================= December 25, 1972 Dear Sir: This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest. Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa's Really Bitter T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I've busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear The old lady bitches 'cause I work late at night The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS And just when I thought that things would get better Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money And the kids these days - they all are the pits They want the impossible ...Those mean little shits I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM! If you think that's bad...just picture this Try holding those brats...with their pants full of piss They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard And if I don't smile..the parents think I'm weird Flying through the air...dodging the trees Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!! *********************************************** (The preceding was a product of the"Military Collector Group Post", an international email magazine dedicated to the preservation of history and the equipment that made it. Unlimited circulation of this material is authorized so long as the proper credits to the original authors, and publisher or this group are included. For more information conserning this group contact Dennis Starks at, military-radio-guy@juno.com) ***********************************************