From: Dennis R Starks To: helgeson@starnetinc.net Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 15:28:51 -0600 Subject: MILITARY COLLECTOR GROUP POST, Dec.16/99 Message-ID: <19991221.163935.-145753.1.military-radio-guy@juno.com> X-Mailer: Juno 4.0.5 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Full-Name: Dennis R Starks X-Status: Sent X-Juno-Att: 0 X-Juno-Fcc: Sent Items X-Juno-Size: 32299 X-Juno-RefParts: 0 MILITARY COLLECTOR GROUP POST, Dec.16/99 Index: BRITISH WIRELESS SET A40(aka CPRC-26); Part II, Adapting the TR-PP-8 Power Supply, by Murry McCabe BIRTH OF THE "HUFF DUFF"(SCR-291, DAQ, & DAJ); By Feyssac Jacques HUMOR; *********************************************** BRITISH WIRELESS SET A40(aka CPRC-26); Part II, by Murry McCabe This series on the A40 was originally written for the UK VMAR Newsletter. Powering the A40 from a French inverter for the TR-PP-8A (ER-38A) ‘Handie-Talkie’. Introduction, High tension (HT) batteries are obsolete. They also have a limited shelf life, so any left in some forgotten store are now useless. However, the enthusiast with a portable valve radio needs some form of HT supply to keep the set in operation. The above is true for portable, military VHF FM valve radios of the 1950s. Those with a nominal 0.25W RF output included the British A40, the Canadian CPRC26, the US PRC-6, the German PRC-6/6 and the French TR-PP-8A(ER-38A). All used 45V and 90V HT batteries but not the same battery. The A40 and CPRC26 used the squat, tubby BA-289 and the rest, the ‘handie-talkies’, the elongated BA-270. Some of the ‘handie-talkies’ remained in service with European military and paramilitary forces well into the 1980s. The French produced a battery inverter for their TR-PP-8A to extend its service life. That inverter is now on the surplus market. This note describes the inverter and powering a British WS A40 from it. General, The TR-PP-8A inverter provides stabilised 45V and 90V HT plus a low current -4.5V for grid bias (GB) from battery supplies of 7.5V to 5.5V. The overall inverter/battery unit consists of an open, double sided battery rack that holds 9ea U2 cells (BA 030). 5 cells are fitted from one side of the rack and 4 from the other. The inverter module fits above the 4 cell stack and is little larger than a U2 cell. The cells in the 4 cell stack are connected in parallel to provide the 1.5V filament supply. The cells in the 5 cell stack are connected in series to provide the 7.5V supply. The overall dimensions of the inverter, battery rack assembly is the same as the BA-270, i.e. 70 x 70 x 183 mm. The inverter itself is contained in a small, open topped, pressed steel box 35 x 65 x 36 mm. It is constructed on 3 printed circuit boards (PCBs) stacked one over the other. The top PCB mounts a robust B7G[7 pin miniature tube] socket with gold plated contacts for the TR-PP-8A battery plug plus a 4 way in-line socket, also with gold plated contacts, which connects to the battery holder assembly. The middle PCB contains the radio frequency interference (RFI) filtering. The main circuitry of the inverter is on the bottom PCB. The PCBs are potted in silicone rubber. The unit examined was dug out of the potting to trace its circuit. The inverter pin out and operation on resistance load should be checked before connecting it to sets other than the TR-PP-8A. On the basis - ‘if you’ve got something good stick with it’ - the basic TR-PP-8A inverter circuit is virtually the same as the later BA-511A inverter for the PRC-10. It is not a conventional mark-space switching design but regulates output by switching the inverter on and off. This avoids some of the RFI problems associated with fast mark-space switching and achieves overall efficiencies approaching 80%. The main inverter transistor is an NPN silicon TO5 cased BFX34 without a heatsink. The transformer pot core is an LA4245. The bias amplifier is a TO18 silicon NPN transistor type 2N2222A. The inverter unit power on/off switch is a PNP TO18 transistor type 2N2907A. The control IC is an SFC 2741 operational amplifier in a TO5/8 case. There are one or two circuit wrinkles in the TR-PP-8A. These are described below. Load Fault Protection, Protection is provided against short circuits in the HT supplies of the TR-PP-8A set. Should such a fault occur, the affected HT supply voltage drops to near zero. A diode between the faulty HT circuit and the output of the control IC amplifier becomes forward biased and bypasses the current that would normally provide the bias for the main inverter transistor. Deprived of bias, the switching transistor shuts down and the inverter is switched off to protect itself. Mechanical Impact Protection, Each cell in the 5 cell stack, 7.5 V battery, has a reverse biased 1N4002 silicon diode soldered across its battery rack contacts. If the assembly is physically jarred, a cell, or cells, can transiently lose electrical contact with the holders and a transient interruption of supply occurs. This generates a voltage spike from the input filter choke which is capable of damaging the inverter. The 1N4002 flywheel diodes provide a decay path for the choke current so preventing the voltage spike and protecting the inverter. Voltage Control, In the TR-PP-8A inverter assembly, only the HT supplies are stabilised. The valve filaments are directly fed from batteries and the set performance falls off as the filament battery discharges. This is partially compensated by using a proportionately larger capacity battery for the filament supply. Consequently, when the 7.5V U2 batteries are fully discharged the filament supply batteries are only partially discharged. When the filament battery is completely discharged the set cannot draw HT current and without load the inverter cannot control its HT outputs. The inverter sets back to a minimum ON period. The resultant pulses repetitively charge the output capacitors but, without an adequate discharge path, the capacitor voltages pump up to levels that are potentially harmful for the inverter and the set. The inverter must not be run unloaded or without healthy filament supplies. Grid Bias Supply, To provide supply voltage higher than 7.5V for the IC and sensing bridge, a negative voltage of about -4.5V is generated by the inverter and added to the battery supply voltage to provide a nominal 12V supply. The -4.5V negative voltage also provides the grid bias (GB) supply. HT Voltage Adjustment, The inverter HT output voltages are set on works test by selectively shorting with solder, resistors in a graded 4 resistor chain. These resistors are not accessible after the inverter is potted Batteries, The selection of batteries to test power the inverter was made on the basis of what was available cheaply. At the New Year, a UK dealer had unused 1Ahr 7.2V, cellphone Ni.Cd battery packs at $3. Each pack contains 6 cells the same diameter as AA cells but about 30% longer. The samples purchased had dry solder joints on their output terminals which required re-soldering before use. Appendix 1 estimates that 1Ahr batteries should provide at least 4 hours HT service life on a 9:1 RECEIVE:TRANSMIT regime and that the corresponding LT requirement should be about 4 Ahr. This is too short a life for most rallies and displays. If an 8 hour life is needed two 7.2V packs could be used in parallel and the filament supply increased to 8Ahr. This has not been tried. Tests have been limited to a 1Ahr 7.2V battery and a 4Ahr filament battery. Interfacing, For use with the A40 the inverter box was removed from the TR-PP-8A battery rack. The inverter is intended to be switched ON and OFF by the power switch on the TR-PP-8A set. This switch connects the base circuit of the inverter PNP transistor to earth, turns on that transistor to power the control circuitry and so switches on the inverter. The TR-PP-8A has a 7way battery lead. Spare ways in this lead are used to switch the inverter On and OFF by the set power switch. The A40 has a 5way battery plug with no spare ways and no direct connection to chassis. The HT- and GB+ outputs of the inverter are connected to its screening box as are the earths of its RFI decoupling. To maintain effective RFI filtering the inverter box requires to be connected to the A40 chassis. The LT supplies are isolated from the inverter circuit. The A40 OFF/WHISPER/LOUD switch has a switch pole between battery common and chassis. If the common HT- and GB+ from the inverter are not connected to the A40 battery plug but are connected to the set case this maintains effective RFI filtering. There is no hard wired connection between the set case and the set chassis. The chassis has two beryllium copper springs that bear on unpainted tracks on the inner surface of the case. These springs and tracks should be cleaned to ensure good electrical contact between case and chassis. As an additional precaution paint should be removed from under the four bolt heads and from under the nuts bolting the set front panel to the set case. The base lead circuit from the inverter PNP ON/OFF transistor is then connected to the battery common pin of the A40 battery plug this achieves the required auto switching of the inverter by the set OFF/WHISPER/LOUD switch. The plug/socket interface from the TR-PP-8A inverter to the A40 was made from the socket of an A40 battery extension lead (from Bob Eggerton) and a B7G header plug as shown in Fig.1. To avoid altering the A40, the connection to its case was made by removing one of the countersunk screws retaining the set case battery plug, clearing paint from around the screw hole and fitting a 6 BA cheese head screw clamping a solder tag against the cleaned area of case. The plastic underside of the interface ‘battery’ socket was cut away to accommodate the cheese head screw, solder tag and case lead to the inverter. The -4.5V grid bias supply from the inverter is too high in voltage for the A40. It was reduced to -2.25V by connecting a 47kohm resistor from it to the common earth of the inverter. Battery Charging, A relatively crude arrangement was adopted to charge the Ni.Cd. batteries using a 10V ac, 620mA 13 Amp plug-top transformer unit for an old telephone answering machine. The batteries were charged via 10watt power resistors with a series 1N4002 diode. If a more comprehensive battery charging method is desired dealers have reasonably priced, surplus fast chargers/conditioners for cellphone batteries which power from 12V car supplies and the 7.2V battery packs have an internal charge diode and thermistor. These charger/conditioners would need modification but would merit the work. Ni.Cd. cells do not charge effectively in parallel so the individual cells of the filament battery were connected to a ‘D’ socket. A charger ‘D’ plug mates with this socket with links on its plug pins to connect the cells in series for charging. A similar ‘D’ plug is wired to the inverter assembly with different links to connect the cells in parallel for service on the set. 9 pin ‘D’ connectors were used because they were to hand. Consequently, they had only one spare way. Starting from scratch connectors with a higher pin number, possibly 15, would be used so that the 7.2V battery could also fed through the connector to give a single battery pack connector for set and for charger connection. Battery Life, The batteries were given three full charge discharge cycles to condition them. The set was then powered on RECEIVE and the time to HT collapse measured. It proved to be 5.5 hours, roughly in keeping with the predictions of Appendix 1. Mechanical Arrangement, The mechanical arrangement of the batteries and inverter in the A40 battery box is dependent on the size of the batteries used. The test batteries took up less than 20% of the battery box volume. They were simply packed with sponge rubber to prevent them rattling. A final arrangement should be worked out to suit the particular batteries employed. Source of Equipment, The TR-PP-8A inverter/battery pack for this note was purchased from: Peter Gray, Railway Cottage, 8. Rue des Genets, 14110, Pont Erambourg, France. He stocked TR-PP-8As and their inverters. Conclusion, The TR-PP-8A inverter and battery rack can be used ‘as is’ with the TR-PP-8A, PRC-6 and PRC-6/6 ‘handie-talkies’ or adapted for use with available Ni.Cd. cells. As described in this note, it can be used to power the A40. It is believed that the A40 arrangement will power the CPRC-26 but this has not been tried. Happy experimenting! Appendix 1 Maximum A40 power requirements (on most sets HT current drains will be less): Valve filament demand: 600mA at 1.25V on RECEIVE. 975mA at 1.25V on TRANSMIT. Assuming a 9:1 RECEIVE:TRANSMIT ratio the average filament demand is: 600 x 0.9 +975 x 0.1 = 637mA For an 4 hour battery life the Ahr capacity of the filament battery must be at least: 0.637 x 4 = 2.55 Ahr A 30% margin (see text) would increase this to 3.3 Ahr. Say 4 off 1Ahr cells HT power in RECEIVE: 45V x 15.5mA = 0.697Watts 90V x 3.5mA = 0.315Watts Total 1.012Watts HT power in TRANSMIT: 45V x 10mA = 0.45Watts 90V x 37mA = 3.33Watts Total 3.78Watts Assuming a 9:1 RECEIVE:TRANSMIT ratio the average HT power is: 1.012 x 0.9 + 3.78 x 0.1=1.289Watts Assuming an 80% inverter efficiency this rises to: 1.289/0.8 = 1.611Watts This corresponds to a 1.611/7 = 230mA from a 7V supply: For an 4 hour life the battery requires a capacity of at least: 4 x 0.23 = 0.92 Ahr. The CPRC-26 and SR A40 are compared, with photographs, on Louis Meulstee's web site http://home.wxs.nl/~meuls003/ The CPRC-26 and the UK SRs A40, A41 and A42 plus the Canadian PRC-509 and -510 use the same IF and Discriminator modules. Electrically the PRC-10A IF modules have the same pin out and will work with the A40 but the PRC-10A IF modules are physically too tall to fit in the A40. The other CPRC-26 modules are common with the A40 only. There was one significant philosophical difference between the US and Europe. US practice was to allow module replacement in the field and the PRC-10* modules were hermetically sealed. European practice was to forbid that sets be opened in the field. The set internals were desicated, screwed closed, only allowed to be opened in workshop and the modules were unsealed. SR A40 audio gear can be used on the CPRC-26 but it is physically different from the -26 gear. The handset is not a H-33/* lookalike. The UK 5 pin audio plugs are reuseable and generally not moulded-on but they are glanded to take a cable like a garden hose in part because of the filament voltage drop problem. Only the Mk.1, SR A41 (PRC-10A variant) and the SR A42 (PRC-9A variant) use 5 pin in-line audio connectors. The Mks. 2 and 3 SR A41 use 6 pin round bayonet locking connectors. The Mk.3 SR A41 is a fully transistorised PRC-10A variant with 50kHz channel calibration but was only produced in evaluation quantities. Murray McCabe The supply addresses are: Bob Egerton, Gerts Cottage, Main Street, Over Norton, Oxon, OX7 5PR England UK Tel.No.01608 642429 Ian Mant, Vintage Technical Services, 28, Welbourne Road, Childwall, Liverpool, L16 6AJ England UK Tel.No.0151 722 1178 Patrick Castiau http://www.chez.com/castiaufrance has TR-PP-8A inverters (BA-491A). He also has AN/VRC-3 vibrator packs, TR PP-8A 'handie talkies' and PRC-9 and -10 gear including spares and their BA-511A inverters. *********************************************** BIRTH OF THE "HUFF DUFF"(SCR-291, DAQ, & DAJ); By Feyssac Jacques During the coarse of the second war we saw great developments of electronics communications and navigation equipment that would change the coarse of the war, many were based on former studies made during the prewar period, such is the case of the High Frequency Direction Finder or more specially the High Speed Direction Finder. ORIGINS The localization of unknown transmitters was put in pratice during the First War and this DF section of the Army did have much success against German transmitters. The beginning of aviation did soon demonstrate the necessity of Ground D.F. to help the airplanes during difficult wheather conditions, by 1923 eigth stations in France and six in the UK were already operating. Ten years later Europe and North Africa were covered by ground stations operating in the long wave bands used to communicate with airplanes. At the beginning the aerial system was a classic manually rotating loop, but due to the frequencies used the bearing readings at night were often in error due to the night effect , (broad null caused by the reception of the reflected signal with a different polarization). An aerial system without the night effect was patented in 1919 by Franck Adcock, but it wasn't till 1930 that the first stations using this aerial were build; it consisted of four vertical antennas with a cathode follower in the base that provided a constant gain in the 10 to 200 metre waves. It had four antennas arranged in each corner of a square and a fifth in the center used for sensing. WHERE THE STORY BEGINS It was in France that a young engineer named H. BUSIGNIES took a patent in 1926 for a DF with automatic Right/Left indication. Following his studies at LMT Laboratories (Remember ITT Group !) This materialized in 1932 in an airborne automatic HFDF with 360° indicator model RC-5; which was officially adopted by the French Airforce. The system was based on a rotating loop of 30 centimetres at a speed of 300 RPM, a di-phase generator was rotating with the loop and gave reference signals in the indicator and the cardoid signal was the variable one. The accuracy was 2 degrees. In 1938 the French Navy requested of Mr DELORAINE general manager of LMT, for a short wave direction finder able to locate a signal of short duration; the study was under the responsibility of Mr BUSIGNIES; by the beginning of the 1940 a prototype was ready and operating. It was based on the use of the Adcock aerial system; a goniometer made of a stator with two crossed windings connected to the vertical antennas and a rotor with an output winding connected to the receiver antenna, the speed was 1200 RPM. The output signal of the receiver was sent to a rotating coil around the neck of a cathode ray tube , the speed and position was synchronized with the goniometer. A signal at the receiver would maintaining a spot at the center of the CRT, but when the antenna passed null(minimum signal strenght) positions, the spot jumped to the exterior of the CRT screen resulting in a flat double ellipsoid. After the "Armistice" of the 8/8/1940 the prototype was hidden so as not to fall into German hands. Soon after, the American Embassador in Vichy offered to alow Mr DELORAINE to emigrate to the USA with some of his engineers; with him were Mr BUSIGNIES, Mr LABIN, Mr CHEVIGNY and all their families. They started a long journey that brought them to New York in December, after a difficult crossing through Spain, Morocco and Portugal. They brought with them all the drawings of the HFDF . WAR TIME AT FEDERAL TELECOMMUNICATION LABORATORIES The Federal Telecommunication Laboratories was created in the beginning of 1941 at Great River (Long Island NY.) with 200 people in the beginning , This count would raise to 950 in 1945. The US Navy who had been impressed with the proposed capabilities of their system, requested of the French team to began the rebuilding of thier prototype. After succesfull testing a first order of 100 units were built, an assigned the nomenclature of SCR-291; they were deployed to 25 stations (4 sets per stations) along the US coasts from Greenland to Florida and Brazil. This network was assigned the task of locating the German submarines operating in the Atlantic. The reason of four sets per stations was simple, to monitor simultaneously four different frequency bands used by the "Kriegmarine". This equipment was designed to be air-transportable, with telescoping plywood masts for the antennas and the use of a new flexible high frequency coaxial cables. The receiver BC-1147 had a coverage of 1.5 to 30 Mhz, but the operating range was restricted to 2 to 10 Mhz due to limitations in the antenna system. A portable variable frequency test generator was used to calibrate the aerial system[commonly called a "target transmitter", these were a low power transmitter on the order of 1 watt or less, that was placed at known a distance & bearing from the antenna array to allow their calibration. In this case the BC-1149 was used]. This SCR-291 gave birth to another set, the SCR-502 , this unit was supplied with a collapsible shelter and two sets of 5 aerials to permit DF operations up to 30 Mhz, all the rest of equipment was similar to the 291 with the adjunction of switching facilities and was mounted in permanent wood chests. By the end of the war, more than 1500 sets of both types were delivered and in use all around the world. In May 1942 comparative tests were made onboard the destroyer CORRY between a British HFDF type FH-3 and a DAJ[Navy SCR-291?] receiver from FTL. The DAJ won the contest which resulted in 1700 units being ordered. In the shipboard configuration , the Adcock aerials were replaced by two crossed loops installed on top of the mast. They became invaluable in the hunting of German submarines, and the term "Huff-Duff" became their famous nickname. In 1944 the receiver was improved and became the DAQ type with the addition of a panoramic which would allow seeing signals of very short duration. THE AFTER WAR PERIOD The lives of these French engineers who remained in the USA was remarkable: Mr Maurice Deloraine (born 1898) entered Western Electric in 21, ITT in 25, created and managed LMT (Paris) from 28 to 40, director of FTL from 41 to 44, General technical manager of ITT from 45 to 59, president of LMT from 55 to 65; was also vice president of IEEE. Mr Busignies (born 1905) engineer at LMT from 28 to 40, was successively technical director, vice president then president of FTL, became vice president of ITT in 60, then scientific advisor in 65 (took 140 patents in the field of radio navigation) RÉFÉRENCES -ITT journal, Electrical communication, War Years' Review-Part II, 1946 -De la Tsf a l'Electronique. A. VASSEUR. Editions Techniques et scientifiques Francaises 1975 Best regards Feyssac Jacques Ed)The SCR-502 is identical to the SCR-291 with the addition of a second antenna array to extend the system range to 1.5-30mc. You wonder why the great difference in these numbers. The same basic system was adopted in various forms, with their associated different SCR designations as their use in the field might dictate. The 200 series is most often associated with early radar, the 500, Intelligence. The CRD-3 was very similar but used extensively to aid in aircraft navigation. The below was extracted from another book(in the works), "Military Radio Equipment Vol. II, (SCR Designated Equipment)". SCR-291; Field transportable, direction finding,receiver system. Purchased for the exclusive use by the Army Air Corps, & lend lease(circa 1942) to in part replace the SCR-551. The SCR-291 was used to direct the flight of friendly aircraft, & to track the progression of the enemies. This was accomplished by triangulating & computing their positions, & headings by DF'ing the aircraft's transmitters, thus supplementing or augmenting the use of radar. Developed from the SCR-502(used by Radio Intelligence), the SCR-291 was a large set that employed fixed vertical monopole antennas (modified U-Adcock), that were electronically rotated(goniometer). This provided instantaneous bearing indications. The system(with a combined weight of 6900 lbs), was transported by air or truck, then set up for field operation. Operation was over the 2-10mc range, from 110vac provided by a gas powered motor generator. System components include; BC-1147 receiver,PN-31 control panel, PN-32 telephone panel,& FM-61 rack, all these transported in CH-161 chest(37h x 28w x 29"d,400 lbs). MC-412 goniometer unit, BC-1159 bearing indicator, transported in CH-162 chest(26h x 16w x 48"d,212 lbs). BC-1149 target transmitter. HO-20 equipment shelter, transported in 3ea crates (17h x 40w x 73"d,595 lbs). HO-19 generator shelter, transported in one crate(14h x 49w x 65"d,368 lbs). 7ea RC-223 antennas,transported in 3ea crates(21h x 22w x 112"d,390 lbs. Evens HV-203000 gasoline heater, 2ea Kohler 1M21A gas generators(35h x 15w x 37"d,497 lbs)...Ref.#6, 91C #6.TM11-227,10 Apr 1944,Signal Communication Equipment Directory,Radio Communication Equipment. Complete, and detailed information on all these systems can be found in: "Radio Direction Finding", TM11-476, 1947. Dennis Starks; Collector/Historian Midwest Military Communications Museum email: military-radio-guy@juno.com *********************************************** HUMOR; Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the groom wearing black?" ----------------------------------------------------------------- The circus advertised for the new lion tamer and had two applicants - a young women and an older man. The circus manager decided to test their skills with the lion so he first asked the young women to show him what she could do. She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the lion walked up and nuzzled her bare legs. The astonished circus owner then said to the old man, "Can you do that?" "You're darn right I can," said the old man, "just get the lion out of there first". ----------------------------------------------------------------- TOP 25 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE ALREADY GROWN UP 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Having sex in a twin sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up.' 10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. 17. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one. 18. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information. 19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff,' 21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. 22. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi & Ho-Ho's. 23. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 25. You don't drink at home to save money before going out. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Santa is a Woman I think Santa Claus is a woman. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: Men can't pack a bag. Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves. Men don't answer their mail. Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly." Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men: Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Sixteen Things That it Took Me 50 Years to Learn by Dave Barry 1.You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 2.You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 3.The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 4.The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 5.There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11. 6.There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 7.People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 8.If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 9.The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 10.If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 11.You should not confuse your career with your life. 12.A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 13.No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 14.When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 15.Your friends love you, anyway. 16.Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. *********************************************** The preceding was a product of the"Military Collector Group Post", an international email magazine dedicated to the preservation of history and the equipment that made it. Unlimited circulation of this material is authorized so long as the proper credits to the original authors, and publisher or this group are included. For more information concerning this group or membership contact Dennis Starks at, . A list of selected articles of interest to members can be seen at: http://www.softcom.net/users/buzz/backmail.html ***********************************************